Modern Day Matchmaker: Love Is Complicated (But Does It Have to Be?)

Are you unlucky in love? Maybe you still have more to learn. Read Paul Carrick Brunson's 10 most-read love lessons now.

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Officially in stores, my first book, It’s Complicated (But it Doesn’t Have to Be), is filled with good real life relationship advice you can use. It contains a mix of the best research, client stories, and personal experiences I’ve learned from during years as a professional matchmaker. The following are ten (of many) lessons I share in the new book. Get ready ladies, I'm about to school ya'.

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Try not to pass out after I say this, but you should know, marriage isn’t for everyone. Be honest with yourself if you’re a serial monogamist, a serious “loner who likes it” or you struggle with remaining faithful. You can still find someone who is right for you, but you can avoid a lot of heartache and drama if you’re honest about your marriage potential. Learn how to determine if you’re ready!

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Sex can compliment love. Sex can be recreation. Sex can be fun. But great sex does not make a relationship. If other emotional, spiritual and intellectual needs aren’t being met, even if you have all your porn star moves down packed, than sex won’t make him or her stay.

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Twenty-six percent of American households are single parent households, meaning there’s a good chance the person you date may have a child of their own. If you can’t deal with this, be honest, but if you think you can, remember, the child’s needs are always first.

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At some point you have to start being real. You have to come out from behind the IM and the online profile and be your true self. Don’t construct and elaborate fantasy for yourself online that falls apart the minute you open your mouth or show your face.

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Cleaning up your online identity isn’t just for job interviews anymore. The chances your date Googled you up before meeting for coffee is 110 percent and rising. Learn how to manage (and optimize) your online footprint! 

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In pursuit of love, not all men are aggressive, and not all women are docile. Sometimes a beta male needs a little help to find love. And if you’re looking for love with him, that little help may come from you. And while rejection hurts, you know what hurts the worst? Never getting the love you wanted at all. It’s better to get in the game and take the risk in the pursuit of love, than to remain on the bench wondering “what if.” Learn how to get in the game!

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Many, many people believe they can enter a relationship with someone “not 100%” and make them whole. Either minor things such as dress or more substantial such as change their attitude about having children. Learn why it is impossible to change someone directly but how you can inspire change!

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If you want a relationship you have to make it a priority. The movies lie. Love doesn’t always happen serendipitously. You have to put in the man-hours and post those numbers. Learn how to boost your numbers! 

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If you can’t open your mouth to say what you mean (or mean what you say), and you don’t have the capacity in your heart for compromise or forgiveness, eternal life as a bachelorette might be preferable. Learn how to develop strong communication and conflict resolution skills!

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Are you ready for love? Well, you can’t love unless you love yourself first. Building your own self-worth and confidence go a long way in making you happier and more attractive to potential mates. Learn how to love yourself today.

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Let's continue the conversation about love. You can find me on Twitter or Facebook any time. Want more tricks and tips you can use? My new book, It's Complicated (But It Doesn't Have to Be) A Modern Guide to Finding and Keeping Love, is available online and in stores now!


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