Modern Day Matchmaker: 9 Myths About Men

Do you think you know everything there is to know about the opposite sex? Well, ESSENCE's own Modern Day Matchmaker sets the record straight on nine popular myths about men. Listen up, ladies!

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I once had the honor of being asked to discuss man myths on a popular daytime talk show. To prepare, I surveyed my twitter following and asked women what they believe are the biggest male truths. These are their top responses and the reasons why each is actually a myth.

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False. The statistic I frequently hear is that sexual thoughts cross a man's mind every seven seconds. This couldn’t be further from the truth. According to the Kinsey Institute, 54 percent of men think about sex every day, but 43 percent only consider it a few times a month or a few times a week, while four percent make it the whole month before pondering the subject.

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False. When researchers have tried to compare the number of words used by both men and women in the same situation, the differences were negligible. If anything, studies show men talk a little bit more.

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False. This one I blame on the 80/20 rule. I’ve seen firsthand from my clients that men commit at the same rate as women. The issue comes in with a small percentage of men (I call these the 20 percenters) who habitually enter and leave relationships aka “The Commitment Phobes.”

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False. I write about this extensively in my new book, It’s Complicated - But It Doesn’t Have To Be. Everyone appreciates being admired and having someone show enough interest to ask you out is the ultimate showing of flattery. What people don’t want is to be asked out by people they don’t like (or don’t find attractive).

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False. There is definitely a different socialization that happens in adolescence among boys and girls as it relates to being “touchy/feely” but essentially, feelings come from an area in the brain both women and men have. The amygdala is a part of the brain both men and women have that controls our emotional responses.

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False. The word intimidated is the most misused word in dating. Yes, some men (just as some women) are intimidated in select scenarios (like getting set up on a blind date with Grace Jones) but most of the time, like 99% of the time, men are not intimidated (but attracted) to strong women.

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False. Researchers at University College London say there is no evidence linking a man's shoe or hand size to the length of his penis. After measuring the vital parts of hundreds of men, they concluded that the theory has no scientific basis. The ability to predict the size of a man's penis by observing his shoe size is a common misconception says Dr. Jyoyi Shah

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False. The Social Issues Research Centre, a nonprofit think tank, has conducted numerous studies on gossip (and how it affects our lives) have found that 33 percent of men indulge in gossip daily or almost every day — compared with 26 percent of women. Yes, men gossip more than women!

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Let's continue the conversation about love. You can find me on Twitter or Facebook any time. Look out for my new book, It's Complicated (But It Doesn't Have to Be) A Modern Guide to Finding and Keeping Love, in stores this October.


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