Men on What Defines Cheating

What Men Think: What Defines Cheating?
ESSENCE.COM Jul, 14, 2009

1 of 10 Getty

With infidelity hot in the headlines from professional athletes to elected officials, we took to the streets to see what men really think about cheating, as our expert weighs in.

2 of 10 Courtesy of Zo Williams

Author, radio host and relationship expert Zo Williams breaks down the psychology of cheating.

“Men cheat because we feel society wants us to. Cheating is a manifestation of greed, and we live in a greedy society. Men want to settle down once they are tired and have gotten that animal hunt out of their systems, which is what attracts many women in the first place.”

3 of 10 Charreah Jackson

“If you have a girlfriend and go to lunch with someone else, that’s not cheating. If there’s no sex, that’s not cheating. If it’s an open relationship and you’ve established seeing other people, that’s not cheating. When you’re not married, you’re still somewhat single.”

4 of 10 Charreah Jackson

“As guys we don’t call it cheating among ourselves and refer to her as a friend. I don’t cheat. It’s a waste of time. If I want to be with someone else, I will let that be known and move on.”

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“You can be cheating and not know it. It’s emotional when you have intimacy with someone that isn’t your significant other. I’m friends with many women and guys come from another world, where they can break up with you Friday, have a date Saturday, get back with you Sunday and not feel that was cheating.”

6 of 10 Charreah Jackson

“In a relationship you have to be honest. There’s no excuses for cheating. If we’re together and someone else is feeling you up, or you go out with a guy I don’t know about, that’s cheating.”

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“I’ve been married 28 years and it gets better with time. My wife knows there are women who don’t respect our marriage and we work to keep us strong. If I cheated my wife would probably forgive me, but I would have to start all the way over building her trust. A quick fling isn’t worth your relationship. It’s wrong too if you knowingly are involved with someone who is in a relationship.”

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“Technology makes cheating easier, and easier to get caught with texts, e-mail and live chats. Facebook gets people caught a lot! Women look at cheating logically, but men manipulate it so they look like they aren’t doing anything, when they know they’re wrong.”

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“Cheating is like playing the lottery—you take that chance. Women mature faster than men, so it takes us longer to get it out of our system up into our 30s and 40s sometimes. And with men in power, like professional athletes, they may not ever want to settle down.

10 of 10 Charreah Jackson

“The older you get your perspective on cheating changes. You realize it’s just not the physical that is wrong, but emotional too. I’ve been caught cheating and learned from that. Technology has changed things a lot, so texts, e-mail and social networks play a part as well.”