How to Trust Again

How to Trust Again
ESSENCE.COM Nov, 21, 2011

1 of 15

When we tell the truth, even when it isn’t pleasant, we become much more trustworthy. Becoming known as a person who doesn’t lie, even in tough times or moments of significant pressure, shows people your moral strength. Being appreciated for honesty sustains trustworthiness.

2 of 15

Studies show the average person tells 4 lies per day. People are human, frail, and sinful. The key is to trust people as who they are rather than the person we want them to be.

3 of 15

This goes hand in hand with smiling. We naturally trust people we perceive to be nice. Why do you think salespeople grin so much? I once heard a researcher say when it comes to trust we believe 99% of what we see and 1% of what we hear.

4 of 15

This is the single most important part of relationship management. There are many ways to grow your skills in this area but start with being a better listener (and the most effective listeners use their eyes). Remember that 93% of communication is non-verbal.

5 of 15

The foundation of trust typically doesn’t break suddenly, it erodes over time. Keep your eye on the small things. Canceling or failing to follow through on simple tasks will create hairline fractures in your trustworthiness. Enough of those, and the foundation will crumble.

6 of 15

Allowing any issue, no matter how small, to go unaddressed manifests into larger issues. Putting a problem off for later discussion or dismissing it with hopes of it being forgotten is the worst conflict resolution strategy. If you have an issue, address it, even if only to acknowledge it. When you start talking about a problem, you’re half way to resolving the problem.

7 of 15

I fall victim to this often. I’ll come back from hanging out with the fellas and my wife will ask how it went and I’ll say “it was cool.” No bueno! Why? Because she wants to know more than that. When an opportunity to be vague arises, don’t take it. Tell people things they need or want to know. If you begin to provide reliable information they will trust you.

8 of 15

Value your needs enough to convey them. It’s unfair and unhealthy to exist in a relationship where your partner or friends must guess about your needs.

9 of 15

Don’t be a gossip. Enough said. You can only be trusted when people know you to be discreet with secrets.

10 of 15

This is very important in romantic relationships or when leading a team. It’s critical for people to feel confident that you will not falter or betray them. When your ability to be true or dedicated isn’t questioned, being trusted becomes a stronger consideration.

11 of 15

Plain and simple, apply the rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” When you do that, not only are you typically reciprocated but you also exude the character of someone who is trustworthy.

12 of 15

Trust comes when we feel our partner (or team) is pulling together to accomplish a shared vision, rather than a personal agenda. This is the essence of teamwork. When a team really works, the players trust one another. As my wife always says “It takes teamwork to make the dream work.”

13 of 15

Despite what many say, fighting is a part of any good relationship. The problem is not that couples fight, but how they fight. If you fight unfairly, then you destroy trust. If you fight fairly, you build trust. A fair fight means that you never resort to name calling or putdowns, keep the discussion in the present, don’t use phrases that are absolutes (such as “you never” or “you always”), don’t bring the other person’s family into the issue to support your case or to attack your spouse.

14 of 15

This is a character trait very easily determined. It underscores your reliability and predictability. Someone with consistent character is thought to have good judgement in handling situations.

15 of 15

Find me on Facebook and Twitter any time.