How to Get What You Want In Bed (Right Now!)

How to Get What You Want In Bed (Right Now!)
ESSENCE.COM Jun, 10, 2012

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Is your sex life, or lack there of, looking mighty bleak these days? We get it, women have needs, too. But the question is are yours truly being met? If you just sighed and answered “yes,” it’s time to take action, and go after the ecstasy you crave. Here’s your road map to more fun and less fails in the bedroom.

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The road to ecstasy can be very long if you keep taking mental detours. If the distractions in your personal life are interfering with your “private life," it could be hard to concentrate on getting your needs met, too. Make time for an activity, like yoga or Pilates, that will help you free your mind before you head to bed.

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The easiest way to find yourself in the middle of not-so-great sex is to begin it by doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place. Who you sleep with, and how you do it, are decisions that are always 100 percent up to you, not him. If your partner expects you to compromise your wishes, needs or values, you two shouldn’t be between the sheets at all.

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Do you know where your g-spot is? If you answered “no,” don’t you think it’s about time you found it? Ladies, vaginas are powerful, and if used correctly, yours can help you achieve amazing orgasms. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you still have more to learn about your lady parts. If your sexual encounters leave you feeling unfulfilled, read up on what you can do now get more out of the experiences. Here’s a hint to get you started: Try researching keywords like Kegal exercises, g-spot stimulation and sex toys for couples.

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No man is a mind reader — even if everything else about him seems “perfect.” Your partner wants to please you, and if he’s not, the first reason to consider is that perhaps he just doesn’t know how to. If your time between the sheets isn’t as good for you as it is for him, say something. Whisper what you want into his ear or just be straight forward over dinner. It doesn’t matter which approach you take, just don’t be afraid to tell him that what he’s doing just isn’t working. He’ll appreciate your honesty and if he’s worth your time, he will practice better pleasing you.

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The next time you face a challenge in the bedroom, try saying “yes” instead of the usual “no.” Trying something new together can bring on new levels of pleasure for you both. Go ahead, try it!

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You ask your girlfriends for advice on every other topic under the sun — lip gloss shades, great places to find sushi, whatever! — so why not sex, too? if your friend’s having more fun in bed than you are, and bragging about it, ask her to share her tips and tricks. What works for her and her’s might just work for you and yours.

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Have you ever heard the saying, “Men are like microwaves and women are more like ovens?” He may be able to go from zero to ten in a flash, but you might need to warm up before the big game. Take your time and always make time for foreplay — even if your time is limited. Rushed pleasure is rarely as fulfilling as you imagine it to be.