Frisky Friday: Niecy Blue's Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Frisky Friday: Niecy Blue's Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life
ESSENCE.COM Sep, 03, 2009

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For this week’s Frisky Friday feature, erotica writer Niecy Blue shares ten tips to spice up your love life.

Embrace your sexuality
Just as we need water, food and rest, sex is a natural need. So, don’t be ashamed of your desires. Explore them, personally and intimately. Find ways to make sure you are approaching your needs with balance.

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Just because you’re single doesn’t mean your sex life has to be nonexistent. Every woman should know her own body and what pleases her. Masturbation is normal and it takes practice to learn how to do it well. Make it an art form.

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Exploring different types of sex play can be educational and wonderfully stimulating for the imagination. Reading books about sexual practices, erotica and watching porn can give you all types of ideas. How much do you know about tantric sex, submission, or even a little bondage? Creative ideas are waiting for your discovery.

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If you love sex, why play prude? Whether you like it rough and disgustingly good or with rose petals on your sheets, express it! Having a healthy sexual appetite does not make you a freak. Redefine that for yourself and then share it with the one you love. You will still be a lady in the morning.

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It is important to know your own limitations when it comes to sex. But don’t let fear get in the way of trying something new. Experimenting with adults toys and nonconventional forms of sex play can be liberating and open the doors to amazing orgasms. The older we get, the more we need to breathe new life into our sex lives.

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Sharing your fantasies with your partner may seem uncomfortable but it doesn’t have to be. Feeling too shy for a face-to-face conversation? Be playful about it. Send a naughty picture, text, or e-mail to help jump-start the conversation. Tell your partner you’d like to try something new and ask their opinion about it. Blend your fantasies to create new experiences.

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Not all men need lingerie in the bedroom, but it can enhance a woman’s mood and help her embrace her own femininity. Wearing a beautiful corset and stockings is hot but nothing is hotter than watching a woman comfortable with being nude and exposed. Demonstrate this. Also, bring along good conversation, romantic music, sweet treats, seductive lighting, wine and maybe even a blindfold.

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Play around in the car on the way home. Catch your partner off guard in the kitchen. Wait until everyone is asleep and get frisky outdoors. Even if scheduling sex becomes a habit, spontaneity can still have a role. Take pictures and document your lovemaking. You can always discard them. Keep the surprises coming.

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There are times when our libido seems to bubble up to voracious desire. It probably means you’ve denied yourself too long. All day or all night marathon sex might be just what you need. So speak up and get it! Make sure you do so in a relationship where there is mutual honesty and respect.

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Trust what your body and heart tells you. If you like what you are doing, by all means do it. But if you don’t, stop. Communicate with your partner. Appreciate sex for the emotional and spiritual connections it also provides. Become comfortable with vulnerability. Sex is a cosmic trip for you to get lost in with care. Enjoy and always remember to wrap it up! The best sex is safe sex.

Niecy Blue writes steamy, sex-positive erotica about Black women on her blog, The Adventures of Niecy Blue.