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So, you’ve done everything “right” thus far—earned an education with multiple degrees, landed a great job and earned countless promotions and accolades. There’s just one problem; you’re feeling lonely. Tana and I hear this all the time from clients across the country. Does a woman have to trade in the hope of finding a loving, fulfilling relationship in order to climb the corporate ladder or become a successful entrepreneur? We say NO. It is possible to have both and here are nine ways to make sure that your desire to find love stays near the top of your checklist while also achieving the career success you desire.
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Yes you should be philanthropic, active in the community, continue spiritual development and be recognized within your professional industry. But guess what? It’s also nice to share your success with someone special too. And, if you met him today, looking at your schedule will there be time for him in your calendar? Where would he fit in? Sometimes saying “no” to make time for yourself will surprisingly yield time for love too.
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We understand that you have goals and time waits for no one. But, you know what? A youthful perspective, good health and happiness are all important contributors to your overall success. Just as you plan your next professional goal down to the last detail, incorporate at least one big vacation per year along with periodic getaways and treat them like an important meeting. Do not cancel and look forward to them with anticipation. Who knows who you might meet and even if you don’t, you’re more relaxed and approachable when you return.
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Why is it that we sometimes feel we have to be one way at work and another at home? Of course there is a professional decorum that has to be upheld, but when you’re out at off-site meetings and attending conferences, it’s ok to be the woman that you are. Smile, share a funny story, introduce the human element, and before long you will start connecting with people you never planned to connect with. One of them could be “the one” or they could introduce you to a friend with similar interests who might be.
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Throughout your daily life you should stop and take in all of your surroundings. Take a different way home. Look up and smile while you’re at the grocery store. Notice the car driving next to you. Remember, the rewards in life are not only achieving the goal but also taking in the scenery along the way. Your next date may have just passed by you today, but you were moving too fast to notice.
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At the end of the day, you’ve given it your all at work, you’re tired and you just want to unwind at home. We know the feeling. Just as you have that push in your professional life, you must push yourself to stop on the way home sometimes to meet friends after work even if it’s 30 minutes to an hour for appetizers. Bring a fun jacket or heels to change into so you don’t have to go home first, because if you do, you may be too tired to come back out. Smile and look around. That great guy might be meeting his friends too or even dining alone due to travel. What better time to strike up a conversation than during an unwind?
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Somewhere along the way, this stigma evolved where it’s more important to push through high school, continue your education and then go, go, go as fast as you can at warp speed to the top. Just as this myth was created, it can be reversed. You should lead a well-balanced life, which includes making love a priority and sharing special moments with your friends and family and encouraging them to do the same.
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It’s unfortunate that it sometimes seems that to be heard in a male-dominated world that we have to become one. Dark or pale colored clothes and suits are often required to let your peers know you mean business. But it’s ok to throw in a pop of color with a fun blouse or a nice red lipstick, even heighten your heel a bit occasionally. The more you can embrace who you are, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, and the more you will exude that confidence, no matter what you have on. Men tell us all the time that a woman with a great mix of confidence and femininity is very attractive. You are a woman and that’s fantastic!
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How many times have we wasted time dating someone “on and off” for months and sometimes years knowing full well this was not the one? But it felt good just to know you have someone who doesn’t require much while you’re reaching your goals. Don’t waste your time and energy. Take a moment to think about the type of man you need (not want) and start surrounding yourself with both male and female friends who can offer you that pool. You’ll soon be introduced to more friends, brothers of friends, co-workers of friends, etc., and before you know it, someone along the way will take notice of you.
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Smile, smile, and smile some more. Remember, guys are looking for clues to help them determine whether they can even approach you. They’re wondering, is she single? Is she available? Is it ok to say hello? Even though you’re focused on success and how to get there, smile along the way and give him the ok that says yes you handle business but you can also enjoy a laugh and fun conversation too.
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Don’t give up! Make both your love life and success a priority and don’t let one or the other take a back seat. You’ll be happier and more fulfilled when you get to the top. Here’s to love! - Kelli Fisher (on right) Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of "heart hunters" led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. Visit their site.
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