25 Secrets of Succesful Daters

25 Secrets of Succesful Daters
ESSENCE.COM Jun, 19, 2012

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“Some Black women are looking for more flash than class. It is not how a man looks but how he treats you and handles his responsibilities that matters. Ask yourself: How does he interact with his family? Does he pay his traffic tickets? Is he reliable? —Dr. Paulette D. Murphy, New York City psychologist and dating coach

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“A woman’s walk is everything and speaks volumes about her confidence. It’s body language from head to toe. Stand tall and take your time across the room.” —Jermichael Pratt, Detroit personal trainer

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After meeting Allante Samuels in high school, Ashley Starks realized she had a lot to learn about love. “Growing up as an only child, it was always about me,” she says. “But in a relationship, it’s a partnership.” Ashley had to adjust to considering someone else’s feelings and schedule to strengthen their four-year relationship.

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“When communicating online, use a couple of easy “ice breakers” to get the conversation flowing. Even just asking how their day is going can be a great way to get things started.” —Louise Thompson, relationship expert at badoo.com

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“When the guys in my shop are looking for a wife, they meet them at parks, libraries and the museum – places where people are not getting intoxicated to have a good time.” —Abram Pitts, Detroit barber

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We spotted this couple while they enjoyed an adventurous day that included hanging in downtown Detroit and listening to an impromptu outdoor karaoke set. “We love spending time together and indulge each others’ interest,” Andrea Phillpotts says. “He even watches the ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ with me.”

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“Definitely surround yourself with un-hater friends. Find friends that may be in situations that you like such as a married friend. Sometimes when you surround yourself around people who are in the same situation, it makes you stay in that situation.” —Jamie Anderson, Atlanta bridal consultant

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“Just because a guy might be going through financial difficulty doesn’t mean he’s always going to be like that. Give him the chance for you all to have something successful. If a guy really likes a woman and she doesn’t have a great job, he can still enjoy being with her. “—Abram Pitts, Detroit barber

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“An eye conversation goes a long way. If you make eye contact more than three times, that shows your interest to a guy. If he’s looking as well, feel free to approach him and offer a compliment. We appreciate that. “—Jigga Simmons, Atlanta barber

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“Just like in the real world, meeting people online should be fun, not a chore. Even if you’re looking for Mr. Right, don’t fixate on it. Mix it up a little and spend some time chatting with a range of people, even as friends. And a new friend might be the one to introduce you to your soul mate. And friendly people are always more attractive! —Louise Thompson, relationship expert at badoo.com

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“As African-American women, many of us have been unfairly labeled as “angry black women.” When a woman has been worn down by bad dates and relationships it becomes harder to escape this label. Let go and smile.” —Jasmine Diaz, matchmaker for Shawn Mackenzi Agency

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“Sometimes even the best online flirtation and conversation can fizzle once you actually meet someone in real life. There’s no accounting for physical chemistry! When you met someone online and have exchanged a couple good emails/chats, then take the plunge and suggest meeting up in person.”
—Louise Thompson, relationship expert at badoo.com

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“First dates can be awkward, but they don’t have to be. I often suggest that singles partake in activity dates rather than your standard dinner and a movie. Try riding bikes, hiking, indoor sky diving, boating or wine tasting. Dates like this encourage conversation and serves as an ice breaker.” —Jasmine Diaz, matchmaker for Shawn Mackenzi Agency

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“Be a listener. At every level of the relationship, talk less and listen more. As women, we feel the men are pursuing. Let’s see what he’s talking about a little bit more.” —Janette Underwood, Detroit hairstylist

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“For an evening date, always wear a clutch. It makes you look like a lady. Keep your makeup and accessories to a minimum. Keep things tasteful and chic.” —Wande’ Durojaiye, Atlanta boutique owner

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“On the early dates, you don’t have to tell him everything about you and or your past because you are still getting to know that person. However, you have to be very vocal about what your wants are and what you’re looking for in a person.” —Akua Scott , Miami event planner

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“A man should offer to pay, even if you decline. Just think if you go further and even have children with this person, you don’t want someone who’s cheap.” —Qadeera Adhyaya, D. C. server

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“With men, we like for women to be a little dependent on us. We like to have the responsibility of making sure our woman is OK. Let your man feel useful.” —R&B singer and 2012 ESSENCE Music Festival performer Tank

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“If you expect someone to risk falling for you, you have to be willing to take a few risks of your own. Dating takes a commitment. If you can’t commit your time then don’t waste someone else’s.” —Jasmine Diaz, matchmaker for Shawn Mackenzi Agency

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“Single moms should always position yourselves as a prize. Don’t ever feel just because you have a child that you have to do something extra to get the guy. A good guy is going to be cool with you and your kids.” —Robin Groover, Atlanta salon owner and stylist

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“Don’t allow the guy to get too comfortable with texting you. All people do now is shoot a text, “Hi. Good Morning”, Can you call me?” — Jamie Anderson, Atlanta bridal consultant

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“Recognize your relevancy and make sure a man respects your value. Outline for yourself what you will and won’t accept and not diminish that based on a need or desire.” —Kelly Mikel Williams, Washington, D.C., singles minister

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“Work on being happy and enjoy life as a single person. Happiness is very attractive. While you are out and about having fun you may meet someone.” —Dr. Paulette D. Murphy, New York City psychologist and dating coach

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“Ladies, clean up your messes before you start with a new guy. One of my clients met a woman in college. They had a nice first date and when he took her home, her ex-boyfriend of five months jumped out and started fighting them. He had to take out a protection order.” —Abram Pitts, Detroit barber

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Check out the July issue of ESSENCE for 39 more tips.