13 Reasons You Don't Feel Sexy

13 Reasons You Don't Feel Sexy
ESSENCE.COM Mar, 22, 2012

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Like it or not, nothing destroys self esteem like a rough breakup — if you let it. You find yourself thinking: Was it me? Did I let this happen? Could I have done something differently? The more you doubt yourself, the less sexy you will feel. Stop beating yourself up over the past and focus on what you offer in the present. That’s all that matters.

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There are two ways your hair can be the culprit in this case. The first: You love your look so much, you’re worried that getting intimate will ruin it (#blackwomanproblems). Or, because you hate the hair moment you’re having and feel anything but cute when you walk out the door. Either way, it’s time to call your stylist, stat!

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Love isn’t always blissful, especially if things just aren’t working out. It’s said that most people are prone to stick with a relationship for almost a year after the romance has ended. If you’re not feeling the love, you won’t want to make love. Ask yourself if his advances are unwanted because, well, he is. Do you get where we’re going here?

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No woman wants to get intimate with a man she suspects is curling up with someone else. Your hesitation in the bedroom could be caused by your own suspicions. Get to the bottom of it and get your sex life back.

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You can’t take control in the bedroom if you’ve lost it in the boardroom. When outside factors, like a wicked boss or brewing family drama, attack your confidence and sense of self worth, it’s easy to internalize the negativity and bring it to bed with you. Seek out the source of those no-can-do vibes and call on your strengths to rebuild the tools you need at work and at home.

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When was the last time you bought a bottle of that overpriced perfume that tempts your senses or one of Victoria’s “secret” tricks? Embrace your femininity — don’t starve it. Go on, spoil yourself.

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Before you devour that fast food burger, consider this: Regularly indulging in unhealthy meals can negatively impact your sex drive. Greasy foods cause gas and bloating; two non-sexy side effects. Plus, the guilt you feel after eating something you knew you shouldn’t often translates to the bedroom by attacking your confidence. Healthy choices equal hotter nights… remember that the next time you’re ordering in.

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Sex and stress just don’t mix. Sure, a good romp in the sheets can help take the edge off, but only if you can make it to the bed. A busy, hard-working woman often makes time for everything but her love life, and that’s a sign your priorities are out of order. Make time for the one you love, so you can make a little love. Go ahead, exhale.

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Unwanted weight gain can affect both your self-image and confidence. Excess body fat is said to interrupt healthy blood flow, which your body needs to become sexually aroused. Work ’em off and get back to working it out in the bedroom.

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If you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders each day, the only thing you’ll want to do in bed is sleep those sad feelings away. If you’re not yourself, your sex drive can be the first “normal” thing in your life to go. If you think you could be suffering from depression seek the opinion of a professional.

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If your 9 to 5 is more like an 8 to 8 these days, it’s no surprise you’re putting sex on the back burner. The key to getting back in your groove is making your bedroom a work-free zone and designating time each week where you promise to take your mind off work and put your hands on him.

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You can’t be your best in bed if you feel you don’t look the part. Self love is a key component for making healthy happy love. Translation: Stop obsessing over a little cellulite or arm flab and embrace the body you were born with. We promise, he’s not nearly as worried about what you are. Cut yourself some slack.

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A bad cold or case of allergies can stop your sex drive in its tracks. It happens. If you want to get off that couch and back into the arms of the one you love, focus on getting better, not “getting some.” (Besides, you don’t want to get them sick, right?)