10 Ways to Choose Men More Wisely

Tired of dead-end dates with unworthy guys? Relationship guru Kevin Carr wants to help you meet the marrying kind.

Kevin Carr Sep, 10, 2013

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This article is dedicated to any of you who've ever spent five minutes more than you should have with a man that was not worth your time. Women want the man they choose and the man they want to be one in the same. Sadly, this isn't always the case. But, it should be. Our choices are directly within our control, and with them we have the power to determine who we allow access into our lives. Accurate choices will help you to navigate through the clutter and sift through the crowd. Here are my 10 suggestions on how to choose men more wisely.

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Love will never leave you feeling hurt, disrespected, and worn down. Love, by its nature, is incapable of such. Don't allow your feelings to manipulate you into overlooking the facts. Those butterflies you get in your stomach can be tricky. They might not take into account that he has been in three relationships within the last two years, but you must.

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Allow him to show you who he really is by telling you through his actions. Remember consistent actions never lie. It's up to you to be courageous enough to accept what his actions are trying to tell you about him. Look out for the red flags. A red flag is any pattern of behavior that is inconsistent with whom you believe him to be. Ignore them won’t make them go away.

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Many believe in the "it just happened" theory when it comes to relationships. When asked how they ended up with their partner they answer, "I just felt it." My query is this; what happens when you don't feel it anymore? Love and commitment is a process and you must decide if he is worth the effort that it takes. As a man, I'll be the first to admit, all of us aren't.

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If you and I are to ever find true happiness, we have to end the chase – the pursuit of people and things that we think will bring us happiness. This pursuit strips us of our dignity and we lose ourselves in the process. Lasting happiness can only come from what's real and what's constant—you. It is meant to come from within and influence the outer world, not vice versa. So, don't search for what makes you happy. Just be happy and that’s when the right love will come.

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When dating, at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, you must determine who is and who isn't worth your time. It is really as simple as that. Six months with the wrong man is six months of your life that you can never get back. Consistent time spent with someone creates an attachment and you owe it to yourself not to allow yourself to become attached to someone that will only end up providing headaches and heartache.

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It's a hard thing to have to detach yourself from someone that quite frankly you shouldn't have been attached to in the first place. Don't give away your heart without first measuring his character. Once attached, your heart and body are often at the mercy of the one whom you're attached to. Many find themselves tied up with men who aren't even deserving of their time and attention, let alone their heart and their body. And yet, these women remain in situations unhappy and unfulfilled, and they know it. Don't lend him the hammer that could potentially be used to break your heart.

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Never judge the quality of a situation by your comfort level within it. If you're not careful, comfort will rob you of your intended future as comfortable feelings can potentially produce clouded judgment. The comfortable choice isn't always the healthiest option in terms of your emotional wellbeing. When making decisions about men, it is important that you make them with your ideals in mind.

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What you choose is indicative of what you believe you deserve. The first step to making the proper choice is to determine exactly what it is you want. This is where your ideals come into play. Knowing what makes you happy will help you to identify who has the potential to contribute to your happiness. Once you discover the values that are most important to you, then you will be able to tell whether or not they are present in the life of those in pursuit of you. Going through the process of discovering your ideals will help you choose men more accurately.

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It's not as much about a list of qualities as it is about finding an individual that share the same values as you. Opinions differ, personalities vary but values should be complimentary if you seek to build something lasting. Time and communication go a long way in a person revealing their true values to you. Lean on them both.

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It isn't my intent to encourage you to be suspicious of the men you meet. My only goal is to help you see the importance of being purposeful from the outset because the better your choices in the beginning, the better your results will be in the end. It can be a challenge to make rational choices once your heart is involved. If you aren't intentional, your emotions will have you throw logic out the window as you overlook his consistent habits, which are a clear picture of his true character.

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Relationships expert and author Kevin Carr