10 Things You Shouldn't Do When Dating

Abiola Abrams
ESSENCE.COM Mar, 20, 2009

1 of 10 Courtesy of Subject

Media diva Abiola Abrams is one of the stars of VH1’s latest dating show “Tough Love,” which helps six very single ladies overcome their pitfalls in love. The house’s resident, “Ms. Picky” Abrams, 32, represents for all the sisters with high expectations and long lists of what we want from a good man. The chocolate beauty shares her newly acquired dating insight exclusively with ESSENCE.com in these ten useful tips:

Compiled by: Demetria L. Lucas

1. Refrain From Judging Him

“I learned a lot about dating from the show. Now I’m less judgmental and way more open.”

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“There’s no shame in being a single woman or even saying, ‘I’m single and I want a relationship.’ I even have boyfriend applications on my Web site, (www.abiolaabrams.com). Put it out there!”

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“Single people tend to isolate. When I broke up with my ex-husband, I cut off all of my married friends because I felt like I had no longer related to the marriage/children thing. But even as adults, we need role models to have positive relationships mirrored in front of us.”

4 of 10 Courtesy of Subject

“I’m very much about us being sexually empowered, but make a man sweat a little. Men approach everything as a game, so let them feel like they are winning you.”

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“I wanted to get married before I was 30 and that’s a big mistake we as women make. We have deadlines [for marriage]. I married someone who I’d been dating throughout my entire twenties. We looked great together on paper. He was a gorgeous Ivy League graduate. Three months in, the marriage went downhill.”

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“The first thing I do in the morning when I open my eyes is say, ‘Thank God I’m here again!’ I’ve learned to approach each day with full passion. Men can smell desperation.”

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“We spend a lot of time only talking to our single girlfriends, but we usually stay in the dark because we don’t know what men are thinking. Have single male friendships or keep married men as platonic friends so you can get into the male mind.”

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“I’ve never dated interracially before, but now I’m more open to it in the future. I’m still picky, but I’m more open to different types of men.

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“My wedding was picture-perfect. It was at the Ritz Carlton in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Seventy of our friends came out and it was filled with Black high society. But it wasn’t real. His heart wasn’t where; my heart was. The marriage was so short that it was annulled.”

10 of 10 Corbis

“I’ve had a lot of Black men tell me that they’re in high demand. Successful, attractive brothers who have it going on feel like they are in demand, so why should they commit? Too many Black women think the man is the prize and don’t think of themselves as such. That’s an unfortunate reversal. Both people have to feel like the prize.”

What dating don’t tips do you have to add? Share with us below.