10 Things You Should Know About Him Before You Get Engaged

10 Things You Should Know About Him Before You Get Engaged
ESSENCE.COM Feb, 28, 2012

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Now, we’re not giving you an all-access pass to snoop through his private text messages and emails, but before you walk down the aisle together, he should be able to tell you who’s who in his contact list. If you see a female name you don’t recognize, it’s time he explained.

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A marriage cannot work without honesty as its foundation. You need to know how he reacts to your truths — especially when you’re saying something he really doesn’t want to hear. If you find that you avoid tough conversations within your relationship, this is a huge indication that you won’t be able to handle the hard stuff that inevitably follows “I do.”

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Financial tension is one of the leading causes of divorce in America, second only to cheating. Money matters, and you should know if he’s saving his, who he owes, and whether or not he values a dollar the same way that you do. Marrying someone without being on the same page financially is an instant recipe for disaster.

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Is he close with his mother? Does he return his sisters’ phone calls? Is there a female friend in his life who he’d go above and beyond for? How a man treats the other women in his world won’t be much different than how he is with you. Be sure you like the behavior you see.

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Don’t assume he wants a big house, bigger yard, kids, and a dog, just like you do. Couples can love each other tremendously, but still not share the same aspirations for their shared future. His idea of what married life should be like could be nothing like yours. Be open and honest with each other about your dreams, and be 100-percent sure they’re compatible.

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If you ignore unfinished business while you’re dating, the unwanted baggage could follow you down the aisle. Is he in-between jobs? Doe he have a gambling problem he hasn’t gotten under control? Does his ex-wife live a little too close by? Be sure you’ve both cleaned all the skeletons out of your closets before you make any wedding plans.

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Falling in love is easy when life is good, but will your guy love you any less when things start to fall apart? Addressing this is certainly not the "fun part’ of falling in love, but make no mistake, you need to know how he handles stress. It’s a test of will you both need to pass. Rushing an engagement before you’ve had a chance to see each other at your best and your worst is never a good idea.

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Men are known for cleaning up well before a woman comes over to visit, but when you marry him, and you move in together, he can’t hide his messy habits anymore. (Think: What if he clips his toenails in bed? Yikes!) If spotting dirty dishes piled high in the sink drives you mad, you’ll need to be certain he knows what a Brillo pad does before you two decide to co-habitate.

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If you haven’t Googled your guy yet, go do it, right now. If there’s a part of his past he hasn’t shared with you, with a little patience, you’ll find it online. Once something goes up on the web, it’s very tough to make it disappear — although you may have to dig a little. Always trust, but verify, ladies.

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Even though we’re living in modern times, some guys still have a cavemen mentality — they expect you to marry them and become a full-time wife and provider for the children while you put your dreams on hold. If you’re a busy business woman, this is probably not be your idea of marital bliss. Be sure he is happy with the woman you are today, not in love with the idea of the woman he hopes marriage will turn you into.

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