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On Valentine’s Day the pressure’s on to make it the sexiest day of the year. The truth is that you deserve to feel hot and happy every night, but sometimes life has other plans. Look in the mirror, love yourself and know that you deserve a night that makes you feel like a love goddess. Here are the secrets to make this day steamy enough to make up for all of your cold flannel nights.
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Sure, the official day of love is February 14th, but why don’t you make it an extended holiday? Valentine’s Day is the day for you both, the day after is all about you pampering and serving his needs, desires, and fantasies, and the third day is about him pampering and serving your needs, desires, and fantasies. This is a perfect way to spend the three-day weekend.
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Speaking of fantasies, most of us still feel a little shame to really share what really makes us hot with our partners. It’s time to unleash your “50 Shades of Play.” Really take it there. You will reach a new level of emotional intimacy if you can really let your partner in on your hottest and “dirtiest” desires. Make your sexual chakra happy. Take it all the way there.
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It’s time for you both to open your minds. Log on to Babeland and Good Vibrations, both women-owned sex shops, and see what trips your fancy -- and his. Allow yourself to be surprised by your own reactions. Maybe you thought you only had girl-next-door desires when you’ve got a hotter than hot kink factor waiting to be awakened. Be sure to check out Kandi Burruss’ Bedroom Kandi line to see what kind of toys are waiting for you.
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Take a dab of Nutella or Hershey’s chocolate syrup and “hide” it somewhere on your beautiful body. Then let your partner know that he has to find it. Oh, yes!
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We love our partners but unfortunately they are not the mind readers we imagine them to be. You can think that you’re dropping hints but your partner can be totally oblivious. It may seem unromantic to spell it out but it’s okay to be specific. You can say, I want to include these elements for V-Day and then leave the rest up to chance. If there are must-haves to make you happy -- include them!
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Scent is a key part of attraction. If you always wear a certain fragrance give it a rest for V-night. You can gift your partner another scent too. This is the fastest way to feel like you’re with someone new while still loving bae. Vanilla notes in your fragrance add an extra level of steam.
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This is a good time to also switch up your music game. If you are still making it hot with Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass, nothing wrong with that, but allow some new music flavor in the bedroom. Likewise, if your bedroom bangers are all John Legend and Trey Songz, go old school. Maybe classical music or jazz is new for you. Whatever would be new for your lovemaking, bring it.
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Be confident about your gorgeousness and be specific to your partner. Some men (and women) are about the red frills and lace, some want black bondage leather gear, and some may have a Plain Jane fantasy. Remember that men are visual creatures. Give him something to enjoy with his eyes. This does not have to be expensive. You don’t even have to go shopping. Oil down your gorgeous body and switch up your hair game and he will have no idea of whether he’s seen it all before!
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If you’re having Valentine’s dinner in - -here’s one rule. You have to feed each other. Where you eat the food from, is up to you. Nuff said?
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Valentine’s Day has become a “Look What I Got!” Instagram and Facebook competition. One of my coaching client’s compared it to after Christmas break as a kid when everyone was comparing gifts. Bump that! You can’t measure your happiness against someone else’s social media posts. Release expectations. You were expecting a ring and he shows up with a flea market gift? Judge by where his heart was. Figure out tomorrow if it’s a deal breaker. The best things in love are truly free. Steal kisses during the day. Send sexy text messages. Put in a red light bulb to indicate that something new is going down. Soak in the tub together. Create a sexy treasure hunt.
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Yes! I see you happy, sexy, hot, and thrilled for the Valentine’s Night of your dreams. Sweet dreams, Sacred Bombshell.
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Abiola Abrams, our Intimacy Intervention columnist, is the author of the award-winning advice guide, The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love and founder of women’s lifestyle site SacredBombshell.com. Visit her site to get your free Self-Love Kit and join her upcoming Hear Me Roar Coaching Club for “big vision women.”
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