10 Reasons I Chose To Settle Down (And Why He Will Too)

Relationship expert Kevin Carr reveals why he bid farewell to the player lifestyle to focus on making love last.

Kevin Carr Nov, 06, 2012

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Relationships expert and author Kevin Carr

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Literally! My father is one of the best men I know. Much of who I am is because of him. However, I know not to seek him out for relationship advice. Why? He doesn’t believe it’s possible for a man to be totally committed to one woman. I gave myself over to that belief at one point, but I have since come to strongly disagree. His influence, which some would consider to be negative, has encouraged me to prove that theory wrong.

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I once thought I had to have every beautiful woman I came across. I lived for the chase. Then I reached a point where I couldn’t live with that anymore. Although infidelity and sexual freedom seem to be the calling cards of pop culture, they just weren't cool to me anymore.

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Honestly, I grew tired of the late-night booty calls with nothing attached to them. After relations I was left void of anything tangible, and that became unsatisfying to the point where I could no longer mask the discontentment I felt with random sex. My desires began to change, leading me to pursue women with sincerity. His genuineness can be seen in his actions. A little observation will help you gauge his motives.

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Simply put, I matured. Sadly, some of us men never do. But we are called to. So in your search, keep an eye out for a man who demonstrates that his character has gone through the maturation process before entrusting him with your heart.

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Men watch “chick flicks” too. Those sappy love stories often remind us of exactly what is missing in our own lives. They remind us of the consistency and authenticity that ought to come with love and commitment. I wanted that, and so does he.

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Shout out to Beyoncé. The song rings true in that I met a woman whose character was such that it put and end to the childish ways that were resident within my personality. A woman can’t change a man. But who you are has the innate ability to prompt him to do better and to affect change. Now that’s power.

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I was no longer content with just casual dates. I needed assurance. Men are territorial, and when they genuinely want you, they won’t allow any wiggle room for another man to swoop in and grab your attention. They will be unwilling to share you.

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There is a responsibility that comes with loving a woman, one that I had been eluding for years. I was ready in part because I finally realized that love and commitment are vital to manhood. Before deciding to commit to him, be sure that he is aware and up for the responsibility that comes with that next step.

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I had to defeat my insecurities and get over my fears. Not only was I afraid of being hurt, because of my past, I was afraid of hurting the woman willing to place her trust in me. Fear could be crippling him, causing him not to move forward. This is something he must get over to be who you need him to be.

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We all want love in some form or fashion. Even when we live opposite of what we truly desire, our actions give us away. With each act of sexual indiscretion I was in search of wholeness. Within my male bravado, which was fueled by every new interaction with a beautiful woman, was a searchlight. I was intent on finding love, but always came up short until the day I discovered how to love myself. That’s when I found what I had been searching for, and then and only then was I finally able to give it away.

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Let’s talk some more. Be sure to leave questions or comments for me below. Keep up with me over on IfMenAreDogs.com or find me on Twitter anytime. For more advice from me, read 10 Things You Think Impress Him, But Don't.

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