J. Holiday And Black Men Like Him Should Stop Blaming Black Women For Their Problems

Nearly a decade after his breakout hit, it appears singer J. Holiday has crawled out of bed and purposely tripped into some bullshit of his own recipe.

In a since deleted video posted on his Instagram account, J. Holiday offered a musing that gave me Chanté Moore’s “Bitter” and Silkk The Shocker’s “It Ain’t My Fault” topped with sprinkles of your typical misogynistic nonsense. Let Holiday tell it, “the Black man is still losing to the women.” 

It must be the week for Black women being the scapegoat for Black men’s issues (yes, this song is about you, Kevin McCall).

Of course, he promptly then offered the meaningless disclaimer “No disrespect” while touting that he was “raised by a woman,” has “two older sisters,” and possesses “absolute, all respect for Black women.” Naturally, he followed this with an illogical, ahistorical rant that suggests he maintains about as much respect for Black women as a member of the Sweet Potato Saddam administration.

Indeed, Holiday continued: “Black men, African American men, men from the hood, we go through everything to make sure that who we care about are taken care of. We don’t swing our dicks around. We don’t do all this bullsh*t to be seen. I could be that n*gga over here f*cking n*ggas up. I know a whole lot of b*tch a** n*ggas that sing that I could call they a** the f*ck out. But I don’t. And understand this, I got daughters, man.”

Oh, I see. So because he considers himself to be one of the “good ones,” he takes issue with any criticism lodged at those men who are trifling. What an incredibly insecure sentiment to vomit into public discourse.

Here’s a pro-tip for all, but in this instance, men: if the criticism doesn’t apply to you, don’t bother being offended.

But since since rationale behavior doesn’t apply to him, he added: “Cardi, Beyoncé, SZA all y’all muthaf*ckas stop using that f*cking pain to make it ok to say some f*ck sh*t on your record and get nominated for a Grammy for going through some bullsh*t cuz so have I as a Black muthaf*cking man.”

So, this dude is super duper salty that Black women are getting Grammy nominations for infusing their personal pain into their art. Moreover, he appears to be mad specifically that he never won a Grammy. Shout out to Queen of Hip Hop Soul and Academy Award nominated actress Mary J. Blige, who beat him several years ago and has J. Holiday still testy about it. Meanwhile, note that this line of critique shouldn’t even include Cardi B, given the song she was nominated for has nothing to do with a man. 

In any event, this man who admittedly had more songs to offer the world than just “Bed” (I am referring to “Fatal” and “Come Here”) but ain’t exactly a crooner like Johnny Gill, needs an introduction. Let me help him out. Holiday, I would like to introduce you to music, and particularly, rhythm and blues, where artists have long used stories from their personal life — yes, including their pain — to inform their art.

Artists can use whatever influences they want as they so please. If anything, the personal makes for better art because after all, music is about connections and what better way to connect with listeners than common themes we can all relate to? Each of these artists he’s complaining about have sang about the joys of love and fidelity, so why can’t they in the same instance also croon about heartache, pain, infidelity, and overall poorly behaving romantic partners?

This is what we do know — an embittered man insecurely lashed out at Black women out of sheer jealously and misplaced anger. A man, who as an R&B singer, has chosen willful ignorance and selective amnesia over the way R&B has worked for generations to justify his feelings. He thinks he said something profound, but all he did was expose his own sad mindset. 

To think Black men are “losing” because a few Black women are scoring Grammy nominations is equal parts sophomoric and sexist in thought. It doesn’t matter if J. Holiday has a daughter; that’s a cheap cop out men employ when they want to say something sexist without owning their sexism. The same goes for acknowledging that their mothers raised them or that they have sisters. If you don’t treat everyone as well as your mother and sister, who cares really? 

Female artists have the right to sing about whatever they want, whenever they want just like J. Holiday can whine about not winning an award almost a decade ago to a much more accomplished female singer. Granted, it’s a rather questionable choice given the biggest supporters of R&B — ahem, especially for the likes of male R&B singers singing about love and sex like J. Holiday — are Black women. To that end, I can only imagine how exhausted Black women must be listening to men like J. Holiday put the onus of their problems on Black women.

I didn’t need another reminder of how badly I missed the begging ass strain of R&B, but J. Holiday has given me another one. I miss the era in which Black male R&B singers exercised more humility, respect, and genuine admiration for Black women. I’m gay and puberty snatched my singing voice away, but if I could record an R&B album, I’d be shooting for that. And if it didn’t garner me a Grammy, I wouldn’t rush to social media to post a misogynistic blob of foolishness to project my problems.

All and all, it’s sad, embarrassing, and frankly, I’d rather he take his ass back to bed until he can wake up. If not, I’ll just wait for his future episode of Unsung.