We devised the most hilarious (and most common!) thoughts every person has had during a massage because you're not alone. Trust us.
Massages are in-cred-ible. They are the perfect service to help you relax, recharge, and even fix some lingering health issues. But, they can be funny too. We’ve all been there—navigating the waters while a stranger massages your naked body can be awkward. And, our minds tend to wander. We crowd-sourced the most hilarious (and most common!) thoughts every person has had during a massage because you’re not alone. Trust us.
1. I have to disrobe and get into this bed quickly just in case the masseuse comes back in here mid-jean tug. There is nothing more mortifying than a person watching you shimmy a bunch and peel off your skinny jeans. Really, there isn’t. Try to think of one.
2. Now that I’m under the sheet, how do I let them know I’m ready. Do I say anything? Has it been too long? If I don’t tell the masseuse that I’m ready to go will he/she forget about me and force me to lie here forever? I wonder if I can order Seamless to this spa.
3. OK, the masseuse is back. Good thing I didn’t yell out that I was ready. Or have to explain that Seamless delivery guy.
4. This person’s hands are so soft. I wonder if I can ever make my hands this soft? It would probably mean I’d have to take up massaging as a profession which would be unfortunate for the industry because I’m terrible at giving massages.
5. Ahhh, finally relaxing. This is the most blissful experience I’ve ever had.
6. The heated bed is splendid. But, now I’m sweating. Is is embarrassing that I’m starting to perspire during this process? I wonder if everyone starts to sweat, or if this is a me-specific situation.
7. It feels so good that the masseuse is massaging my hands. But it’s kind of also like we’re holding hands now. Is this too intimate? Is it strange that I’m starting to think this is intimate? I need to turn off my brain.
8. Here comes the “flip over” situation. I’m totally naked and now starting to feel like maybe people don’t get completely nude for this. Here we go. I’m flipping over naked. Yup, that’s the front of me naked… and this is the back.
9. *flips over while cringing*
10. What is this delicious smell? The oil smells like rainbows and sunshine. I would buy an entire bathtub full of this stuff. Maybe if I did fill up my bathtub with this fragrant massage oil (and sit in it for the rest of my life) my hands would be as soft as this masseuse’s hands.
11. Is this supposed to hurt? I can’t tell if this is the “good” kind of pain or just, you know, pain. I bet this is going to do wonders for my back.
12. I hope the masseuse didn’t notice I just dozed off for a while. And my body totally twitched when I woke up.
13. Thankfully I didn’t let loose any other bodily functions while I snoozed. I think…
14. I hope this person is not a serial killer because they could relax me and kill me right now—and I wouldn’t know the difference. OK, now I really need to turn off my brain.
15. Is it over already? I never, ever want to leave. Nope. Not getting up. I wonder if I can work remotely while I lie here for the rest of my life.
This article orignally appeared on MIMI.
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