• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK WOMEN COME FIRST

Every day we're serving Black women deeply. Come get a plate of goodness! Sign up for daily content and exclusive offers you'll love!

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and that you have read our Privacy Policy
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · Beauty

Why We Should Stop Telling 30+ Black Women They Look Good ‘For Their Age’

Our value is far too great to be weighed against something so fleeting.
Why We Should Stop Telling 30+ Black Women They Look Good ‘For Their Age’
FG Trade/Getty Images
By Ashley Simpo · Updated December 6, 2020
We all know that the “black don’t crack” idiom is one our community tends to wear with great pride. It’s true, a lot of Black men and women don’t show signs of aging until they’re much older when compared to our white counterparts. Angela Bassett’s bikini-clad post on Instagram to celebrate her 60th birthday reminded us all that with proper diet and exercise, age has a hard time keeping up with melanated people. Because of this infamous notion, Black women’s appearances tend to be chronically over-analyzed and dissected. 
This year, I turned 34 years old — officially and firmly planted in my mid-thirties. It was a tough pill to swallow, knowing that I am inching further and further away from the age of innocence. I am blessed with a youthful face, full cheeks, big round eyes and a wide smile. I don’t have any wrinkles or gray hairs to speak of so there is no physical indicator of the years under my belt. In fact, the only tangible market of my age is the fact that about every week or so someone under 30 says something to me that has quickly become just as offensive as that uninvited hand running itself through your hair.

it’s a gloomy day in new york and i’m thinking about that small patch of time a few months back when the weather was not too hot but warm enough to lay in the grass and just be brown in the sunshine. happy monday 🖤

A post shared by Ashley Simpo (@ashleysimpo) on Aug 20, 2018 at 11:16am PDT

“Wow! You don’t look 34! You look so good for your age!” It always comes in the most innocent of tones, and I have to do a quick self-check to scan myself for defensiveness or jealousy. Am I intimidated by my age? Am I intimidated by twenty-something women who look at me as a slight elder? No. I don’t miss being in my twenties and I feel like I lived them to their fullest. My twenties blessed me with a decade of experiences that aligned me with my goals in love, career and family. It blessed me with a son after spending eight years moving around, trying anything that came to mind and fully exploring myself. I have no regrets spilling over from that era and I have nothing to feel bitter about. So, why am I so annoyed by the idea that a younger woman would console me with the notion that I still look young and therefore should feel honored? First, the end all, be all of life is not to look young. We don’t want to admit the truth, but as a society, we are completely youth-obsessed and Instagram has only put that obsession into overdrive. It trickles into my lap when I least expect it, when I’m feeling just fine with who I am, but suddenly someone makes the assumption that being my age comes with some hidden level of shame that they should task themselves with eliminating. Don’t worry, you still look good. I’m actually OK with however I look, whether or not its determined as acceptable by society.

the face you make when you’re surrounded by outwardly thinking women talking about what matters in a society that prefers our silence. big thanks to @americahatesus for having me as the panel moderator and for hosting this adorable headshot session. brown eyes just poppin thanks to @ellepierremusic ❤️💁🏽‍♀️ @ivie.ani @miabellenyc @dortomysoul @iloveyourainbow @ksquaredcosmetics all shared WISDOM about their entrepreneurial journey and it was amazing.

A post shared by Ashley Simpo (@ashleysimpo) on Aug 8, 2018 at 7:21am PDT

The thing about Black women in their thirties is that most of us are pretty thrilled to be here. We understand our vaginas better, we understand our bank accounts better — some of us are still figuring out men — but we understand that we don’t have to have them in order to be fulfilled. Our awkward body phases have finally gone by the wayside, we’ve figured out what skin products work for our combination T-zones and 4c/3b hair type. If only society would release the idea that none of that matters unless we are also 22 and fresh out of college. The thing about Black women in their thirties is that we do not look good “for our age.” Our age just looks good on us and it feels good too. I want to do away with the idea that the second you turn 30 your body begins to decay. I want to remind women of all ages that when it comes to beauty and health you get what you put in. Drink water and don’t date him — those are the keys to a youthful appearance. I also want to do away with the idea that Black women are only valid if they look good, according to the world. Our value is far too great to be weighed against something so fleeting. To all the twenty-somethings out there counting down the remaining months or days until they turn 30, please believe you are more than your age. Youth doesn’t define happiness and it certainly doesn’t define you.

I remember watching my mother and grandmother indulge in the ritual of applying and reapplying their lipstick before and after meals or coffee or tea. There is something about the accentuated mouth. When a woman speaks, especially while donning a red lip, one would do best to listen.

A post shared by Ashley Simpo (@ashleysimpo) on Apr 19, 2017 at 7:53pm PDT

Beauty is not qualified by one archetype — petite, thin, fair-skin, long hair and young. Success is also not defined by beauty. I implore us all to recognize the many other ways Black women contribute to a room besides lighting it up with their prettiness. I implore us all to honor Black women when they begin to show signs of age. The less we harp on something as unimportant as a woman’s age-to-beauty ratio, the more we allow women to take up spaces that don’t require submissiveness and likability as general admission. The more we validate our right to have wrinkles and gray hairs and cellulite and muffin tops and veiny hands and whatever else is on the horizon — the more we free ourselves from the chains of the Strong Black Woman syndrome. We don’t have be strong, we don’t have to be perfect. We don’t even have to be pretty. Viva la thirties!
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now