Hilarious Quotes From Tiffany Haddish

backstage at the 2017 BET Awards at Microsoft Theater on June 25, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.

2017 Getty Images

Neilson Barnard

Rachaell Davis

Feb, 09, 2018

Tiffany Haddish is a name that has become synonymous with joy, laughter and the living embodiment of the power of positive thinking and hard work.

As we prepare to honor her at the 11th annual ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood awards luncheon, here's a look at 14 of her funniest quotes that are sure to bring a smile to your face.

1 of 14 Brad Barket

"[It's like I'm] taking a nap but doing a lot of stuff, all at the same time. That's what my life has been like the last year. I'm sleep but, I'm woke."

2 of 14 Universal Pictures

"I remember this lady told me, 'Tiffany, you got a lot going on. Either you're gonna be a big star, or you're going to jail.' So, I'm glad I chose the star part."

3 of 14 Getty images

"I've built a whole career off of being funny, trying to, you know, keep from getting punched."

4 of 14 Startraksphoto

"I boo-booed in his shoes because he was putting me through a lot of dookie so, I decided he needed to walk in it."

5 of 14 NBC/Getty Images

"My body is like, 'Go to sleep!' But my mind is like, 'No we gotta get this money.'"

6 of 14 NBC/Getty Images

"Having a lot of fun sitting next to strangers at #superbowl52 on my @groupon ticket hopefully @kevinhart4real or @diddy sends someone to get me out of my seat in section 140 row 19 seat 22. So I can get a Football player Husband."

7 of 14 Getty Images

"When you laugh, it like, massages all of your organs and it's just like, lighting you up and I think it's so dope. Even if I don't want you to laugh and you laugh, I'm like, "Well, at least they laughing, I'm healing them!"

8 of 14 Universal

"Sometimes I do be feeling like, "Aw man, I don't think this is gonna happen,' or, 'I'm about to fail' and then my mind is like, 'Unh-uh, you not allowed to think like that. Take that out your mind.'"

Universal

9 of 14 Neilson Barnard

"I’d rather sleep in my GeoMetro, in the cold, than sleep in a bunk bed because bad things happen in bunk beds."

2017 Getty Images

10 of 14 Alberto E. Rodriguez

"When they finally told me, “Yo, Groupon wants you to be a spokesperson,” I was doing the Nae-Nae for, like, five minutes."

11 of 14 Warwick Saint

"I'm the last Black unicorn. I'm a magical creature."

Girls Trip Star Tiffany Haddish on a Possible Sequel and Why She Still Uses Groupon

12 of 14 John Shearer/Getty

"Someone has hacked my YouTube account and liking sh*t I don't like what do I do? I was sleep I didn't like this mess."

13 of 14 Jason LaVeris

"Thank all of y’all for your love and support, I don’t know or care much about snubs because I’m not nasty like that!! But I love my girl Jada and I love all of you!"

14 of 14 Gabe Ginsberg

"Everybody starts out as female. All humans start out as female and then the chromosome kicks in and yo coochie fall out. That’s why men have nipples. Look at a penis. That is nothing but a vagina that fell out. That’s why some men act like b*tches."

2017 Gabe Ginsberg

14 Hilarious Tiffany Haddish Quotes That Will Get You Through Life

"[It's like I'm] taking a nap but doing a lot of stuff, all at the same time. That's what my life has been like the last year. I'm sleep but, I'm woke."

"I remember this lady told me, 'Tiffany, you got a lot going on. Either you're gonna be a big star, or you're going to jail.' So, I'm glad I chose the star part."

"I've built a whole career off of being funny, trying to, you know, keep from getting punched."

"I boo-booed in his shoes because he was putting me through a lot of dookie so, I decided he needed to walk in it."

"My body is like, 'Go to sleep!' But my mind is like, 'No we gotta get this money.'"

"Having a lot of fun sitting next to strangers at #superbowl52 on my @groupon ticket hopefully @kevinhart4real or @diddy sends someone to get me out of my seat in section 140 row 19 seat 22. So I can get a Football player Husband."

"When you laugh, it like, massages all of your organs and it's just like, lighting you up and I think it's so dope. Even if I don't want you to laugh and you laugh, I'm like, "Well, at least they laughing, I'm healing them!"

"Sometimes I do be feeling like, "Aw man, I don't think this is gonna happen,' or, 'I'm about to fail' and then my mind is like, 'Unh-uh, you not allowed to think like that. Take that out your mind.'"

"I’d rather sleep in my GeoMetro, in the cold, than sleep in a bunk bed because bad things happen in bunk beds."

"When they finally told me, “Yo, Groupon wants you to be a spokesperson,” I was doing the Nae-Nae for, like, five minutes."

"I'm the last Black unicorn. I'm a magical creature."

"Someone has hacked my YouTube account and liking sh*t I don't like what do I do? I was sleep I didn't like this mess."

"Thank all of y’all for your love and support, I don’t know or care much about snubs because I’m not nasty like that!! But I love my girl Jada and I love all of you!"

"Everybody starts out as female. All humans start out as female and then the chromosome kicks in and yo coochie fall out. That’s why men have nipples. Look at a penis. That is nothing but a vagina that fell out. That’s why some men act like b*tches."

You May Like

Read More

14 Hilarious Tiffany Haddish Quotes That Will Get You Through Life

"[It's like I'm] taking a nap but doing a lot of stuff, all at the same time. That's what my life has been like the last year. I'm sleep but, I'm woke."

"I remember this lady told me, 'Tiffany, you got a lot going on. Either you're gonna be a big star, or you're going to jail.' So, I'm glad I chose the star part."

"I've built a whole career off of being funny, trying to, you know, keep from getting punched."

"I boo-booed in his shoes because he was putting me through a lot of dookie so, I decided he needed to walk in it."

"My body is like, 'Go to sleep!' But my mind is like, 'No we gotta get this money.'"

"Having a lot of fun sitting next to strangers at #superbowl52 on my @groupon ticket hopefully @kevinhart4real or @diddy sends someone to get me out of my seat in section 140 row 19 seat 22. So I can get a Football player Husband."

"When you laugh, it like, massages all of your organs and it's just like, lighting you up and I think it's so dope. Even if I don't want you to laugh and you laugh, I'm like, "Well, at least they laughing, I'm healing them!"

"Sometimes I do be feeling like, "Aw man, I don't think this is gonna happen,' or, 'I'm about to fail' and then my mind is like, 'Unh-uh, you not allowed to think like that. Take that out your mind.'"

"I’d rather sleep in my GeoMetro, in the cold, than sleep in a bunk bed because bad things happen in bunk beds."

"When they finally told me, “Yo, Groupon wants you to be a spokesperson,” I was doing the Nae-Nae for, like, five minutes."

"I'm the last Black unicorn. I'm a magical creature."

"Someone has hacked my YouTube account and liking sh*t I don't like what do I do? I was sleep I didn't like this mess."

"Thank all of y’all for your love and support, I don’t know or care much about snubs because I’m not nasty like that!! But I love my girl Jada and I love all of you!"

"Everybody starts out as female. All humans start out as female and then the chromosome kicks in and yo coochie fall out. That’s why men have nipples. Look at a penis. That is nothing but a vagina that fell out. That’s why some men act like b*tches."

You May Like

Read More

Sign Up for our Newsletter

Subscribe To The Magazine

Sign Up for our Newsletter