Love & Sex

Ask Dr. Sherry: 'My Boyfriend Bought My Engagement Ring But Hasn't Proposed. Am I Missing Something?'

New Dr. Sherry Illo
Dr. Sherry
Aug, 24, 2018 10:10 AM UTC

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Hi Dr. Sherry,

I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. He and I have lived together for almost 6 months and we have 2 cats. I like to think that I haven’t been pressuring him about marriage, just checking the temperature about it happening, but I’m starting to worry it may not happen, especially after we bought my ring together last October, and it’s already had an inspection without ever leaving the box. While I feel that our relationship will always have highs and lows, I’m becoming insecure about why he hasn’t asked me yet. He knows marriage is important and he has never spoken out against the idea of marriage or marrying me specifically. I just hope I’m not missing something important.

Sincerely,

Permanent Girlfriend

Hey sis,

Six years is more than enough time for your boyfriend to know if he wants to marry you and make plans to do so. If he hasn’t done that, he has no plans to marry you. But why should he when you are willing to play “wifey”? He has all the makings of a marriage including two cats. Don’t be fooled by him buying you a ring. That is nothing more than a layaway plan with no real down payment. He has a ring in a box rather than on your finger with a proposal. He is using the ring to keep you in check as his wifey. It is no more than dangling a carrot in front of you. He is playing a game with you. The real question is how long are you willing to play his game? I recommend that you seek individual therapy to examine why you have fallen for his game and continue to chase the carrot. Six years is a long time to invest in someone who has not committed to you. A marriage only works when both people want it and is committed to making it work. If you want to be a wife rather than playing one, you must change your role. You deserve a husband who wants to be a husband. At this point, your boyfriend has not indicated that he wants to be a husband. This is no longer about him but all about you. You must be honest with yourself and make some tough decisions. If you want more, don’t settle for less. –Dr. Sherry

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