Eight years after he left her, she's still attached to a love that no longer loves her back. What should she do?
You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
I have a problem and I hope you can help me. Eight years ago, the father of my kids left me for another woman. They had two children together and now she's pregnant again. But in the eight years since he left, we still talk on the phone as if we're best friends and we have had sexual encounters as if we are still together. He gets mad if I try and move on. I don't want to hold on even though I'm still in love with him. Despite all that he has put me through, I'm still attached to our love. Can you help me figure out what's going on here? I should hate him for leading me on while he's still in a relationship with this other woman but I can't have my happiness while remaining in this situation.
Left and In Love
Your issues have nothing to do with your children's father. This is really all about you! You stated that you should hate him for leading you on. Really? Have you ever thought about hating the choices you have made related to this man. Your children's father is just being who he is. He is a man that left you and his kids and had two children by another women while continuing to have sex with you. That is who he is but the question is who are you. It seems as if you lost yourself in the hopes and dreams of being loved by him. Of course, he doesn't want you to move on. Why would he? He can laugh, talk, and have sex with you anytime without any commitment to you. You continue to love this man because you think that you do not deserve anyone better and fear that there may not be another man for you. There also is the idea that someone is better than no one. Trust me, that is not true. As long as you do not feel good about yourself, you will accept being disrespected and used by your children's father as well as other men. I know you said you love this man, but love starts with yourself. You can not truly love someone else if you don't love yourself. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to address your self-esteem and other issues. If you want more in life, you must take control of your life and not settle for less. -- Dr. Sherry
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