When it comes to finding love, are you really keeping your options open? We break down the perks of dating multiple men, and how it can lead you one step closer to real love.
Dating in search of true love can be exhausting, there’s no denying that. Nothing stings more than realizing post-breakup that your time could have been better spent with someone else. Author, creator of the Single Girls Club and star of new Centric reality show From The Bottom Up, Stacii Jae Johnson, believes she has the answers that all women tired of dead-end dating seek. To help single women learn to date more confidently (and frequently) on their quest for love, she penned a manual on the benefits of not being glued to just one guy on your journey to meeting The One. In her book Date Girl: 143 Reasons Why I Believe Women Should Date Multiple Men, Johnson challenges sisters to elevate their dating game by embracing a new attitude when it comes to shifting their focus from one man to many. She breaks down a few of the perks that come with her advice:
You Learn That You Are Enough
“While one particular quality of yourself might not appeal to one guy, another guy may totally love it,” says Johnson. “You gain a perspective that there is no single ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when it comes to people; there are simply things that mesh together well and things that don’t. You learn to stop tying your opinions of yourself to what some one man you are dating thinks about you.”
You Won’t Be Too Attached To The Wrong Guy
“Just making the commitment to yourself that you are going to date multiple men sets up a barrier between you and gravitating naturally toward that same wrong relationship,” says Johnson. “You may date the wrong man again, but you won’t date him exclusively, and consequently, you won’t get sucked in so deeply.
You Become Less Self-Conscious
“There is an old adage that says that it’s easier to find a job when you already have one. Why? Because there is less at stake,” insists Johnson. “You’re just looking for the position that you want—the right fit. Tthe one you want to jump out of bed to get to every morning. Think of dating multiple men in this way. Similar to going on many interviews to find the right position, as you date you become more confident, more aware of your attributes, and more comfortable sharing them.
You’re Become More Particular About Your Needs
You aren’t ‘desperate.’ You become less self-conscious and begin to really hone in on how the date [experience] is going. You learn to ask the questions that you really want answered, in order to discover if there is real chemistry, and if the guy is right for you. And if he’s not, you simply move on, richer for having had the experience.
You’ll Know Mr. Wrong When You See Him
“It can take weeks, or months, for you to recognize and accept that a guy is essentially wrong for you, especially if he’s the only one you are spending any time with,” says Johnson. “And, often even when we do come to realize that we’ve committed ourselves to the wrong guy, by that point, we’re too invested in the relationship to simply let it go. With the experience that comes from dating widely and simultaneously, you will be able to [better] spot a dud and avoid him.”
You’ll Feel More Comfortable Ending Things
“In a way, this is about the law of scarcity,” says Johnson. “The less you have, the more you seek to preserve. When you date one man exclusively, you’re more likely to think in terms of negotiation and compromise, sacrifice and―well, let’s be honest, settling―than you are if you are dating multiple men. When you take away the element of fear, it becomes much easier to make rational decisions about your relationship. When you are dating one man who seems to ‘get’ you and treat you the way you want to be treated, it is much easier to see the one who doesn’t for what he is.”
You Will Stop Rushing Things
“Dating multiple men will get your eyes off the finish line and onto the view,” Johnson says. “As an extra bonus, you can stop having to hear, ‘You’re moving too fast, put the brakes on!’ or ‘Let’s just get to know each other” or “Why you tripping?’ You’re in no hurry to move beyond where you are, and why should you be, when you’re having so much fun?”
Find more info on Johnson’s books and projects at StaciiJaeJohnson.com.