“I’m trying to trust him, but he’s lied to me in the past,” says this reader whose boyfriend is way too friendly with other women. What should she do?

Dr. Sherry
Dec, 25, 2015

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dear Dr. Sherry,

My boyfriend of a little over a year and I just moved in together. I love him very much but I am stressing out about how many female friends he has in his life. He's always texting or calling one that I've never heard of before. I'm trying to trust him, but he has lied to me in the past about meeting up with an ex for drinks. (He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to feel bad). I've been cheated on before, and I think that's why I am on high alert. We've discussed this and he says I should trust him because he trusts me. Should I ignore my gut feelings and get over this? Any advice would help immensely.

Thank you!

Torn

Dear Sis,

Please do not ignore your gut feeling! It is trying to tell you something and you should listen. You being on "high alert" is because you really don't trust your boyfriend. His explanation of why you should trust him is nothing more than B.S.! He trusts you because it is apparent that you have never given him reason to not trust you. But on the other hand, why should you trust him? In addition to his many female friends, he has actually been out for drinks with his ex. It is funny that his reason for not telling you was to prevent you from feeling bad. Really? If there was nothing going on and he was being upfront with you about his female friends, he would not have to be concerned about you " feeling bad". Trust is something that you earn by your actions not by your words. Again, what has he done to earn your trust?

More importantly, why would you move in with someone you don't trust? I am sure he didn't become friends with all these women after you moved in together. It appears that these women are an active part of his life with him texting and call them. Given this, why are you stressing out now? If you think that living together will change a person, you are in for a big disappointment. If someone shows you who they are, believe them. Now that you know, you must decide what and how much you are willing to accept. I suggest that you have a very honest conversation about your feelings and his many female friends. If you want more in a relationship, don't settle for less. -- Dr. Sherry

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