You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Hi Dr. Sherry,
I need serious advice. I'm engaged to a wonderful man and we just had a baby girl. The problem that we face is dealing with his meddling mother and his baby’s mom. We've been together for two years and his mother can't seem to stop meddling in our relationship. Now he doesn’t involve her but his baby’s mom does and it has gotten worse since the birth of our daughter. He and her have never had a relationship; it was basically a "we had sex and had a baby" thing. They're two strangers trying to co-parent a child. Since our daughter has been born his baby’s mom has been holding his child from him and sending her to his mother’s house. He has asked his mother to stay out of it, however, she doesn't. She claims she's only thinking of her grandchild and tells his baby’s mom to stop calling.
We fell on hard times and since I'm not working where we had to move in with his mom, since then she makes comments about his baby mom like how much she likes her and how ambitious she is and how well she takes care of her daughter. My fiancé would say you don't even know her, and she's just being nice to you to annoy me and to force herself in a part of my life. I just roll my eyes at her and brush it off. I told him that when we move out he needs to back away from his mom because she has no idea what loyalty really means. My question is: How do my fiancé and I deal with these women trying to drive a wedge in our relationship?
At The End Of My Rope
Sorry, your problem is not with your fiancé's baby mama or his own mama. Your problem is with your fiancé. His mother's "meddling" is a result of him not putting her in check and continuing to be dependent on her. You both have forfeit your right to keep her out of your business by living in her house. It is her house and she has a right to say and do what she pleases in her house. This includes talking to and entertaining her grandchild and your fiancé's baby’s mom.
The best thing you can do is to move out as soon as possible. I would caution you about telling him to " back away" from his mother. You are risking overplaying your hand. That is his mother and he may chose to back away from you before backing away from his mother. I am sure that you have heard the saying " blood is thicker than water.” If your fiancé's relationship with his baby mama is indeed nothing more than "two strangers trying to co parent a child,” you have nothing to worry about. I strongly recommend that you focus your energy and time on finding a job and resources to prepare to become independent. Remember, "he who pays the piper, calls the tunes!” - Dr. Sherry
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