This reader’s boyfriend wants her to move away with him, but he hasn’t proposed. Is it a smart move?
You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
My boyfriend wants me to move to another state with him, but he has not proposed. He received a great promotion at his job two hours away from where we live. It is in his home state. He told me that he wants to be long distance until our lease ends next year and then he wants us to get an apartment near his job. I would have to find a new job. We have been together for four years and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We are both in our late twenties and I feel that it is time for us to make it official. I have been very stressed trying to decide if I should move with him or not. I would feel much better about this if we were engaged and getting married. How do I tell him that I want more commitment before I uproot my life?
You are absolutely right in hesitating about moving and changing your life without a ring or a commitment from this man. Why should you? After four years of being together, your boyfriend knows if he wants to marry. As long as you "play house" with him, he has no reason to change. We have all heard the saying, " Why buy the cow if you can get the milk free?" If you and your boyfriend do not have any "shared" expectations or place any demands on the relationship, nothing will change. It is time to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend and express your concerns. Make sure you are not upset when you talk with him and do not give him an ultimatum. You should only want to marry someone that wants to marry you not because they have to but because they want to. You already know how to tell him how you feel.
Tell him just like you stated so well " I want more commitment before I uproot my life? That is a fair and honest statement. If he struggles with your comment and needs, it is time to take a hard look at your relationship and where it is going. While you think it’s time to make your relationship "official,” your boyfriend may not share your feeling or thoughts. If that is indeed the case, you have some tough decisions to make. Be careful if your boyfriend responds with a vague commitment without any dates or timeframes. If marriage is your desire and you are in your late 20s, do not waste your 30s with someone that may not want to be married. If you want more, do not settle for less! -- Dr. Sherry
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