Ladies, just because you know your Remy straight from your Indian wavy, that doesn’t mean your man will. Truth be told, most guys aren’t even half as hair savvy as we are, and if you’re rockin’ the look right, and you two just started dating, how would he know it’s not your hair? Assumptions aren’t smart here, and if those fabulous curls or that fierce bob was bought and not grown, you have to fess up for both your sakes. Now before you start ranting about how a man shouldn’t hold your decision to join or not to join #teamnatural against you, know this: I’m 100-percent with you there, sis. I’m not asking you to tell him the truth as a defensive move, I’m suggesting you do so because, well, it’s the truth, and honesty is still the best policy, especially when you’re getting to know someone new.
Now, if he finds out and bails immediately, than you just dodged a bullet because you were most likely about to begin dating a dude who could never (ever!) love you for you—enhancements or not. And, if he sticks around (which I hope he will) you’re now free to pat-scratch your heart out, swap your wig out for a comfy scarf when you’re getting cozy or go from long to short in a matter of minutes, all guilt-free. Doesn’t that sound like a load off? It does to me. Falling in love feels amazing, and it’s even better when you’re both comfortable enough around each other to be yourselves in the process.
When I first met my husband I thought I was in a bit of a pickle. Although I was fond of weaves and wigs, I’d been wearing my real hair in a relaxed bob for some time. The night I met him, I’d lazily threw on a wig to save time and it was about three times the length of my real hair. Not telling him that it wasn't my locks he was admiring was driving me crazy, but the chemistry was legit from the door, and admittedly I was afraid he might be one of those guys who gets freaked out by fake hair. Thankfully, I trusted my gut and spilled the beans on date four. That was 10 years ago and we’ve been happily married for four of those. When it comes to my hair, my husband has preferences but no requirements, and he leaves that call up to me. I appreciate that tremendously because I believe that's how it should be.
Put simply, no man should ever dictate your ‘do or judge you for how you choose to wear your hair. The best way to avoid an awkward moment later is to have an honest one now. Agreed?
Charli Penn is the Relationships Editor for ESSENCE.com and a marriage blogger who enjoys taking in a breathtaking city skylines from a rooftop bar, online shopping and changing her hair like the weather. She's a proud member of #teamlonghairdontcare and a wig enthusiast. Say hello below!