This one goes out to the scene-causing, instigating, trouble-making women who should absolutely know better.
In my previous post (Drama Queens Get No Love! Part 1 – The Problem), I sited several cases of how being a Drama Queen doesn’t work in your favor. And as promised I will share the steps I took to make me a “recovering drama queen.” Here are the 5 steps I implemented.
STEP 1 - MAKE THE DECISION:
When you lose love, friends, jobs and money because of your hot-headed tendencies at some point you HAVE to understand that the common problem is you. You also have to grasp the fact that if you want things in your life to change, then YOU alone must be the catalyst. I’m honestly telling you, its not easy, especially if you have been acting a fool for years. But I can promise that it's worth it to feel better about yourself and your life. So make the decision and stick to it!
STEP 2 - TAKING RESPONSIBILITY:
Squash the excuses sister, the only person you can control is YOU. Here is some bull that I often hear that just doesn’t wash:
1. Excuse: I was provoked - My Response: Provocation is NOT justification
2. Excuse: I was angry but I’m sorry - My Response: Prisons of full of angry, remorseful folks
3. Excuse: I didn’t mean to - My Response: Accident or arson, the results are the same
4. Excuse: It wasn’t fair - My Response: Who said life was fair?
I’m sure you get my point. The first step is to stop making excuses for your bad behavior. Whatever excuse you come up with, you must learn to create mental objections in order to hold yourself accountable for your own actions.
STEP 3 – KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS:
There are certain things that straight up set me off any time of day or night. Things like wasting my time, Grrrrrr!!! Because I KNOW this is a hot button for me, I do what I can to ensure that my time does NOT get wasted (when possible). For example, I cushion an extra 30 minutes for lunch meetings just in case someone is late. I also find ways to occupy myself while I wait, like blowing up my Twitter account. And funny YouTube videos always lighten my mood. Either way, I’m not sitting there with my blood pressure going due north with every passing minute.
SIDE NOTE: Be sure that you are not dealing with a health issue that can cause heightened irritability such as diabetes or a hormonal imbalance. It may take something more than mindset to help you balance things out.
STEP 4: MAKE AMMENDS
It’s important to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with the people that are close to you. In my case I didn’t talk to folks right away. I made noticeable changes in my behavior that got their attention. Such as NOT yelling at or firing the cleaning lady that broke my limited edition wine glass (however, I claim no control over the steam coming off my forehead). When my sister commented at how surprisingly calm I was, that opened up the dialog. I explained what I wanted to accomplish in regards to my relationship with her. Then I asked them what she needed from me.
It's very important to give voice to those you have slighted in the past. Don’t do too much talking because your behavior should speak volumes.
STEP 5: DO THE WORK
Your behavior must ALWAYS be at the forefront of your mind. No doubt you will make mistakes, because there will always be that one H.A.M. situation that is sure to boomerang you right back into hot-head-ism. But with every case of backsliding, you circle back to two-four. Consider that a mini refresher course.
Eventually, you get to the point where throwing your empty wine glass at crazy Cousin LuLu doesn’t even cross your mind. But be patient with yourself… shux some days I still have to be sure my wine glass is out of reach!
Over the years, I have learned, that as a woman, it is important for us to maintain our dignity and self respect. In some situations, that is all we have. And most importantly I’ve learned that I don’t have the RIGHT to abuse those who love, support or service me simply because they did not live up to my expectations. It has been vital to my life and my career to find productive, non-destructive ways to handle my stress and agitation. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Jai Stone – The Emotional Nudist
Jai Stone is a socialpreneur, author, syndicated blogger and the founder of the Emotional Nudity Lifestyle Brand. Jai writes about love, life and the pursuit of authentic joy. Follow her on Twitter @JaiStone or visit her blog.