Yesterday, as I was browsing through my Twitter feed, I noticed something strange. I'd even call it a bit odd. I saw a few back-to-back comments posted by men about how good men abound and asking "how come we ladies don't have one?" I'm not saying the posts in and of themselves were strange, I'm only talking about the timing...

Lisa Bonner
Apr, 01, 2011


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Yesterday, as I was browsing through my Twitter feed, I noticed something strange. I'd even call it a bit odd. I saw a few back-to-back comments posted by men about how good men abound and asking "how come we ladies don't have one?" I'm not saying the posts in and of themselves were strange, I'm only talking about the timing.

I don't want to sound like a whiner, but I go through it just like everyone else. I started to think, "Hmph, if all these good men abound, why don't I have one?" Although I'm not the type to sit around and lament my dating status or lack thereof, sometimes I do. I was definitely having pangs of loneliness; I was having my "moment." My moment didn't consist of crying fits, or even feeling sorry for myself, I was just having that "Damn it, I want a good man and how come I can't find one?" moment. But it is those moments, when I start to slap myself back into reality, and I tell myself to shut the heck up and count my blessings.

But when is it okay to have your moment? I mean really, sometimes I get tired of trying to psyche myself out of how I am feeling and at that point in time, that is exactly what I felt like I was doing. My thought process went something like this, "Spring is here, I live near Central Park and I would love to be one of those couples boo'd up on the lawn of the Park having a picnic lunch and reading my nook with my man."

Just last weekend, I was in Paris, riding bikes and picnicking on the grounds of Versailles, with none other than my girlfriend! Rough life you say? Yep, I was thinking the same thing, and that is when I come down on myself for being so seemingly superficial and unappreciative. But then, I remind myself that I am only human; just a girl, who, like anybody else, wants companionship. And although I am blessed with the means to do take these adventures, is it so wrong to have feelings of loneliness at times?

I am a believer in your thoughts shape your destiny, so when I have my moments, I definitely try to rewind, and change my focus. Changing my focus however doesn't change my reality, when you get right back to it, I was still a tad lonely, still wanted to frolic on the lawn of Central Park or Versailles with that guy.

When I know that my life is truly blessed, I often feel guilty about having my moment. There are wars raging in the Middle East, we had a devastating earthquake followed by a horrific tsunami, a great friend of mine was recently diagnosed with brain cancer, and here I am complaining about not being able to find a guy. "Get over yourself," I say; I felt like this was an affront against God.

After work, and after my moment, I went to dinner with a good male friend. As we were getting caught up, I couldn't believe my ears. He said that he too was looking forward to spring and he was looking forward to a few good dates because it had been a long time since he'd had good companionship. Nevermind that he is man, what matters is he is human, and he too was having his "moment" and experiencing the same feelings. He is successful, handsome, has a great job and here he was feeling the same way. This wasn't a misery loves company scenario, far from that, but as I recounted my feelings to him, I admitted that it truly felt good to have those feelings validated; and I suspect it was the same for him.

I had to come to realize that it is okau for me to have these feelings, after all, we are social creatures. What matters is how you deal with them. You can't control how you feel, but you can choose whether to wallow. I chose not to wallow, but not before nearly flogging myself for having natural feelings. I look around at my beautiful, smart, successful friends, men and women, and I can honestly say that at one time or another, we have each commiserated about being alone. And when we are being real, we've actually admitting to those feelings of loneliness. It is okay to feel that, admit that and move through it. Intermittent feelings of loneliness are not an affront against God; it's just human.