Did you really just have an orgasm? How can he please you? This month Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., answers the real questions Black men sent to us and are dying to have answered
Q. I used to pride myself on being a good lover, but my last girlfriend admitted that she'd been faking orgasms. How can I ensure that my next partner enjoys our lovemaking as much as I do? - Tariq M., 30
A. If you're looking for the back scratches, screams and convulsions you see on TV as proof, you might be disappointed to learn the following: Some women have perfected the sounds and motions that men think are proof of an orgasm-even if they aren't really having one. In an online poll 34 percent of women admitted to sometimes faking. (Sorry, ladies, they had to know.) If you want to make sure she hits her high point, talk about what she needs from you to take her to the limit. Explore each other's bodies to discover your erogenous zones. And remember, just because she doesn't have an orgasm every time doesn't mean she's not enjoying the action.
Q. Women might say size doesn't matter, but I believe it does. Are there any foods or natural substances that can help increase penis length or girth? - Thomas J., 29
A. Unfortunately there are no herbs, foods or medications that will expand or widen a man's penis. The organ can only get bigger by adding tissue to it-which you can't do. It sounds cliché, but pleasing a woman is a matter of working with what you've got. With pelvic movements alone you can stroke her most sensitive spots: the labia, clitoris and G-spot. Try positions that deepen penetration, like man on top with her knees pulled into her chest. Worried about girth? Keep her legs straight and close together to increase friction during sex.
Q. My penis is 10 1/2 inches long, and I have trouble lasting in bed. Is it true that well-endowed men are prone to this problem? How can a brother last longer? - Dwight L., 36
A. Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual problem in men and has nothing to do with size. It's linked to factors like stress, fear, anxiety, certain medications and age. Using a thick condom, like the LifeStyles Extra Strength Condom, may decrease the sensitivity of your penis and help you keep up your momentum. And choose positions that decrease the depth of penetration and provide less stimulation (like woman on top), or try focusing on nonsexual thoughts when you find yourself nearing orgasm too quickly.
Q. My lady likes me to go downtown, but my mouth gets tired when I have oral sex too long. How can I make her climax faster? - Stephen H., 44
A. As Samantha on Sex and the City once said, "They don't call it a job for nothing." The same goes for men trying to please their women. Oral sex is the most effective way to bring most women to orgasm because it is intense, direct stimulation of the clitoris. But if your lady senses that you're tired or impatient, she won't be able to focus on the pleasure, and it will take her even longer to climax. Before you begin oral stimulation, increase her arousal by kissing and massaging her down there. Let her know that you like the way she looks, smells and tastes. Great oral sex takes time, and an athletic tongue is key. With a few well-placed pillows for neck support, your trips downtown will be mutually pleasing.
Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., is a New York City ob-gyn and author of Pleasure (Perigee).