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Love The Man, Hate His Ways


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He's perfect! Well, almost. What happens when you love your man, but can't stand some of the things he does? If you want to make it work, here are ways to get him to stop talking with his mouth full, cursing like a sailor, wearing that awful t-shirt from his college days, and more.

He's A Bad Kisser
First, make sure you're not just used to a different kind of kiss. If you really liked your ex's smooching style, you might not be opening your mouth to new possibilities. Next, identify what you do and don't like about his kisses and subtly clue him in. Lean in to him or quietly moan when he does something you like and don't be afraid to back away if he's not doing it right.  Also, slow down. When things get heated too quickly, making out can turn into a slobber session. Taking it slow could be the key to locking lips.

He Has No Style
You may need to invest in him a little bit. When Valentines Day, Christmas or his birthday roll around, instead of opting for the always reliable bottle of cologne, buy your guy a pair of pants you know would look great on him and tell him how fine he looks when he tries them on. Remember to compliment him when he's dressed well and don't put him down if you don't like what he's got on. After all, you were feeling him enough to start dating him weren't you?

His Breath Stinks
If it's brand new: Keep breath mints or gum handy. When you're hanging out, you can casually offer him a breath freshener to help with the halitosis.  
If you've been dating for a while: Tell him. It may be hard for him to hear, but it's probably best for the both of you if you just come out with it. It might just be that your guy needs to floss more often or you could be helping him with even bigger problems, like a gastrointestinal infection.

His Table Manners Gross You Out
Don't call him out in front of company about his poor eating style. Wait until the two of you are having a quiet meal alone to show him there's a better way to chew. Chances are your sloppy Joe just doesn't know the proper table etiquette. He may be embarrassed, but he might be glad you made him aware of his eating errors.

He's a Poor Pillow Talker
If he talks too much:
Keep in mind he might be talking a lot to make up for your silence. Chiming in a little bit more might render him speechless. If your loquacious lover is still talking, try to engage him in some heavy kissing. The nerve endings in your lips will up the sensual experience for you both.
If he doesn't say enough:
He might be afraid of offending you or he could just feel cheesy. Encourage him. Ask him to tell you what he likes and test out your own bedroom vocabulary on your silent subject. It might prompt him to divulge a few naughty notions of his own.
If his dirty talk is too dirty:
Don't be shy. Tell him how his trash talk makes you feel. And suggest alternative phrases for him to use between the sheets. If he's a good guy he won't want to freak you out, and he'll probably tone it down. Also, keep an open mind. You might just need to loosen up little bit. After all, sex should be fun.

His Grooming Needs an Upgrade
Just like with his style, girl, you should have noticed his dirty fingernails and messed up hair when you met him. It's important to know what you will and will not accept from a guy, so you're not in the position of trying to change him. But if you've got a fixer upper, create a sexy scenario for his makeover. If it's his nails that need work, give him a manicure and massage his hands. Also, compliments make a good impression on anyone. Tell him how much softer his skin feels with that new lotion you bought him or how much you love his new haircut.

He's Got a Foul Mouth
It's OK if he occasionally lets a curse word slip, but nobody likes a potty mouth. If his choice in four-letter-words makes you uncomfortable, you should let him know. Suggest that he might be able to express himself better by replacing offensive words that have lost their meaning with what he's really trying to say.

He's A Porn Purveyor
Every time you use his computer, racy titles show up in his Internet browser's history. This may seem harsh, but get over it. Guys are more visual than we are. As long as there are videos of folks doing it floating around the World Wide Web, they will find them. His interest in porn has nothing to do with the way he feels about you.

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All of us black men have porn, many of us have it on our phone. If you wanna find out if your current man likes porn, heres a trick to find the truth. Tell him that you're interested in seeing porn but you've never seen any before, then ask him if he has any. I'll bet anything he will be quick to show you what he has.

 

What! I definitely do not agree with that last bit of advice on porn. That's something that I can't and won't get over. He'd have to get over it, or hit the door!

 

When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!!! I can't speak for anyone else, but if there's some ways that a man has that I absolutely can't and won't embrace, then guess what??? He's got to go, end of story.

 

The title of the article is quite contradictory "Love the Man, Hate His Ways". If you love someone, then you accept them for who they are good and bad. Ms. Misick should have came up with a different title for the article. And I agree with the rest of the comments, it's not okay to accept porn in a relationship(what do you mean "Get over it"?) Seriously Ms. Misick, that's not okay and it's not great advice. Hmmm if I was engaged to a man who watched porn, I wonder what I should tell my pastor while we're receiving pre-marital counseling.
No ma'am, not feeling that advice at all.

 

Porn isnt a bad thing...if ya watch it together you could end up having one hell of a night! For all who say oh no not porn he gotta go be honest with yourself you never watched it??? I dont believe that one. As long as its not anything crazy like lil kids or gangbangs it could keep things hot! If your man is watching more porn then paying attention to you..this is going to make some people mad but STEP YA GAME UP! You are boring him hes looking for a way out.

 

I have been dating a guy for a couple of weeks. He is really nice, handsome, etc, everything I always wanted in a man. Except he wears tight blue jeans and sneakers everytime we see each other. And his lips are a little rough. I have been trying to figure out a way(tactfully) to talk to him about this. Then I read your article. Thanks. I will give it a try.

 

Where the hell did Essence come up with this advice about porn???? I don't want my man looking at another naked woman or women or men.....It is the same thing as if he decide d to take out a live woman and look(andprobably do much more than look) Hell naw...if he has that kinda habit...he has to bounce!!!

 

It never said that he was addicted to porn just that he looks at it. Although it may not be something you want your partner to do you may have to accept it. I personally would prefer him watching a little porn here and there than going to a strip club or being unfaithful. So long as it's not some out there stuff like rapes and gangbangs then I'm cool. Like someone suggested try watching it with him you just might like it........I know I do!!!

 

I think it all boils down to what kind of relationship you have. Get to know your man and what he likes and dislikes. Trust me, he didn't just start looking at porn when he met you and as long as its not an ongoing obsessive thing it shouldn't be a problem. Try your best to find out these things before commiting to a relationship ladies. You have every right to express your feelings about this but if you know its something you cannot live with and he will not put the porn down then its not going to be good for you or him.

 

I would fire a woman for ANY of these so-called "Bad habits"; but there are a few I would forgive and forget. How can someone have a "Toy" in the night stand and complain and a guy watching porn? There's cleary a double standard when it comes to relationships for some,but others are more than willing not to sweat the small stuff. Also,the bad table manners and no sense of style often goes both ways. I think if you love someone, all should be forgiven until you get feed up with the small stuff.

 

What if he has mupltible girlfriends that he is constantly talking to?

 

You had me going up until you said it was o.k. for him to watch porn. I don't agree w/ that AT ALL! EVA!!!

 

Can anyone provide a resolution or perspective to assist with a snoring significant other?

 

Overall great article. I think sometimes as women we want the package to be perfect. It might just be, with a few enhancements. My husband needed someone to tell him, and I was the one. Now we have a good relationship. And for anyone that says that would be considered changing him. OK, change is inevitable.

 

I do not know who writes these articles or better yet what their qualifications are. The advice on ignoring porn in your relationship is astonishing. I guess its good business for Essence to print these things. I can see the next cover...signs men will cheat...ugh porn addiction maybe?


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