To all the young sisters out there, here is a little advice. Look for friendships with older, wiser or mature sisters. If you feel like you're still dealing with high schoolish type drama, your friends (no matter what age) just aren't mature enough yet. Leave them behind, give them a chance to grow up and find people who are on your level. It may be 1 or 2 people. You may even have to be by yourself for awhile. Nothing wrong with that. Until then, learn how to be your own best friend. I've seen too many sisters so desperate for friendships they end up pushing people away or they're avoided. Also, don't try to make your friend be everything to you like a mother, sister, aunt, caretaker, etc. You'll wear her down and she'll leave. No one can be everything to you.

I do agree that as sisters/black women in the struggle we have to learn how to better get along. I also advocate knowing when to walk away when someone you think or thought was a friend tries to do you in. I know first hand that my relationships with other black women are crucial and so very important to me and who I am as a black woman. But I also have experienced women, black women, who talk deadly, demeaning, non-productive hurtful gossip behind each others backs and then proceed to smile in your face, eat your food and hang at your house. This self hatred has to stop. But we also must know when you have to leave certain people and situations ALONE.

I have never been able to obtain and keep healthy relationships with women, even thou I have always wanted to. As a young lady growing up on the west side of Chicago all I remember experiencing from other girls were back bitting, being set up to be raped, physically attacked for reason that were unclear to me. I have always been a quiet person who loves to socialize,but as I began to expericence more negative than positve things in regards to female relationships as I got older I just began to give up and watch my back with the female that would cross my path. At this time I have no friends at all, even my own blood sister and cousins have set me up for distruction. They would be around when the men in their lives kick them to the curve but once their back in that relationship or found a new love. They don't know me anymore. I am a women who values relationships specifically my female relationships. Because I know that when that man is gone or has done something very wrong. My girlfriends will be there. I personally think that most one don't know or up hold the true value of a healthy and respectful relationship with other females that's why there is always so much drama in the female world

To JD, I understand where you are coming from. I have friends but I miss the close relationships I had with two former "best friends". I suggest you pray about it. It may seem small, but those are things He wants to hear from us. Lift it up to Him and trust He will bring wonderful people into your life.

To address some of the other posts, I am glad to see that it is not bashing one another day. Several ladies were very honest about how they befriended women of other cultures and they experienced hurt as well. We have to realize its not just about "us", people in general struggle with relationships. And for those that still consider men to be better friends, I went to a predominantly white college and whenever there was a big drama going on, it was always a guy who started it and kept it going. So we need to give one another a break and speak positive and encouraging words over one another as women and as a people.

Thank you for this article! I hope that you will continue discussing this topic in the future. It truly needs to be dealt with. It's great to have our man, but there's nothing like spending time with your bestie or your girls. I have been blessed with two best friends and several acquaintances that I can hang out with. This was/is not easy for me. When meeting new women, I struggle to let down my wall because of past expeiriences. I worry that she's going to hate on me, lie, betray me like so many in my past. I really wish we could move past our insecurities in order to build beautiful friendships.

Essence, keep up the great work!

Nicole

I once heard someone say "if u live 2b 100 yrs old the people u can call a real friend you'll be able 2 count them on one hand". I truly believe that

good article i like the part about sharing the load bc we women do have to much on our plates. we have to carring the burden and do it all on our own a lot of times. a full time job, cooking, cleaning, grocies shopping, paying bills, laundry. i'm a single women with no husband or older kids to help me out i have to do it all on my own. and its hard i'm usually a friendly person and can make friends easily but lately i find myself being to myself and not wanted friends because i'm stressed out. so to the next female i might seem snobby and i might be getting that way a little because of all the work. i'm tired and stressed out. how did it get like this were female's have to do so much. This was not Gods plan for us females to do it all on our own. he said for women to marry and take care of home (new testiment)not take care of home plus have a full time job all on our own. but than we do that and get all craby with bad attitudes some times because were stressed out. that wasn't Gods plan for us though he didn't even make our body for that. if God said a man needs a help mate and a man has extra strength how much more does a women need. and women are getting so sick these days with cancer, heart disease, lupus, etc. and we wonder why. were not made to be superwoman! i hate that song with alicia keys. i can't do it all thats why i need Jesus i won't boast in myself like that saying i'm so independent the bible says thats a sin. if we really read the bible and practise it we all would be better off.

Very informative article!

I'm 47, divorced, mother of one son, native Floridian, business owner, college grad, and have lived in the Atl for more than 20 years. When I say I've experienced them all, believe that. Work, church, social, clubs, organizations or where ever.

Women, period, all have insecurities within, and when we are challenged with another woman, that is just as cute, smart, fine, outgoing etc. Some of us are just not mature enough to handle that other woman's presence.

I'm an extrovert and have always considered myself in the highest regard. Weather in a social or business setting, other women whom I encountered issues with, showed me eventually, that she envyed or wished she had something I have.

When I was younger, I tried really hard to make them like me, and wanted so much to be accepted into the click. But now, I've learned to embrace me, and Love the woman God made. When I encounter issues, I speak to the issue very kindly, and let her know in Love, that I'm not the one she needs to have issue with. Sometimes, you have to be the bigger person and help that sista increase her level of self esteem.

Remember this: It's not that they dont like me, it's that, they want to be like me.

Love & Peace

A social butterfly

Amen to all the comments by Teesecake. All I can say is been there, done that and seen that. I have always been subjected to the hating and gossiping of female co-workers. I can only say I have had only one true girlfriend whom I worked with years ago. She and I hit it off right away. We had each others back always. We kept in touch with one another for many years. I truly miss the friendship she and I once shared.

GREAT ARTICLE!

I am a young woman in my twenties and side from my friends from high school and, at work there are few others that I have befriended over the years. And its funny to admit it but many of the points on how to make friends with other women are very true! I am very distsant because of my own assumptions about how another may or may not be. I am going to email this article to my friends, and takes its adivice!

I love topics like this one b/c I can relate. I am yearning for some girl friends although I have married with children. Talking, shopping, and doing things girls do is not same feeling you would get with a significant other. I am sometimes bothered by the fact that I don't have girl friends especially ones I enjoy being around. I sometimes question my character as a friend to see if it's me. I am neither dramafied nor fake I guess it would be difficult for someone like me to find genuine friends.

I was speaking to my mother about this yesterday, I am in my late forties, and there was a time when I had many friends, all races, but in the past couple of years, they seem to have disappeared. As I discussed the last contact with several of these women (exploring if I had did anything wrong), my mother responded, "In life you sometimes will only have one true friend and maybe you have not met her yet". I don't know if this is true, but I have to keep on living to find out.

OMG! When I tell you I am going through this RIGHT NOW! I am one of five good "sister-friends"; we are all in our early 30's. I am in the middle! Two side one way, two the other. I told them all we all do not have to agree with each other but we do need to repect each other. I have followed this advice for years and I've NEVER had an argument with any of my friends!!! I am almost embarassed to say this but- it all started over FACEBOOK! People get real bold behind their keyboards!! Posting outlandish messages then having all out wars!!! I'm trying to stay neutral by telling them all, "I don't want to discuss the situation!" I hope it blows over.. we are talking friends since grade school!!!

This is advice I wish someone had given me when I was very young. (1) Don't limit friends to black women only. Your best friend or who you have much in common with may not be black. (2) Listen and observe how people behave for 6 months. They show you how they'll treat you. If they're crazy or too ghetto you'll be able to see it soon enough. (3) You don't need a lot of friends, only 1 or 2 at the most. Too many friends brings to much gossip, backbiting and drama. Peace.