Choosing to put names out there lets us all know that there is another motive behind this! If he hurt you that bad, why do you care what he is doing now? Some people do change. for the better! Ever thought that maybe he loves her enough to change? So deal with it and grow up. The only one still unhappy is you!

You ladies sound like you all are just bitter old women who never had a good man a day in your life. Get up and get over it. For every bad man there is also a bad woman. Woman cheat just like men do, they just keep it to themselves and when they are caught it was never there fault. Like I told my son, " when a woman cheats its your fault because you drove her into another mans arms, but when a man cheats she said she was the best thing that ever happened to him so she doesn't know why he did this".

I understand most of the stories in this blog, for I have been here as well. But I am not so sure that the answer is revenge.
My husband and I were together 9yrs, before he left me for his mistress. We had 1 son and our sh't was together. I was in nursing school and he a police officer, which I have now noticed are prone cheaters. Of course I had my breakdown after he left. But what made me wake up and move on was, the last birthday party we did together for our son, he started an argument with me, his mother stepped in "Oh boy get a life". What was said next made me realize that he had no respect for me or my feelings, the fact that I was hurting so much inside.
"I've got one. She's the one sitting around crying about it." I wanted to smack, those words right back down his throat. But being the educated black women that I am, I've washed it off.
I don't quite understand my ex-husband. Now it seems as though he doesn't want to go away. Our son now is 13, granted he needs his Dad, but this man is making it even harder for me to move on. I had thought about remarrying (thank god I didn't), but the ex had told my son to stand up and object. Not only that, right before he left he came at me with some real bullsh--. Stating his parents expected him to have the well educated, attractive black wife, but what if that's not what he wants.
R U kidding me? Do U know how stupid this sounds. I knew then his mistress was caucassion, then turning me against the white women. Ignorant on my part, but I learned that one persons mistake does not shun down the entire race and truely don't believe that she knew he was married.
It's been 5yrs now, everytime I think I'm getting over it and try to date again, he pops up. Sitting across the street in his police car watching my house, or leaving notes on my door, demanding to know where i've been for 2days. Why, dude U left me? Remember.

I try not to get into long conversations with my ex and I do explain to him when he calls that we are not going to be bestfriends, simply because I know how controlling he can be. But everyone sees the problem at hand. He's the one that actually has yet to move on, even though he married his mistress 6months after our divorce.

Quest what? He's cheating on her now as well. I would love to cloat, but I actually feel sorry for her, because I know the pain she must be going through. My friends and family say that's why he's coming around more, he expects me to be his mistress now.

Not in this lifetime buddy. You can only burn me once and I'm a done deal. And I really couldn't do that to her. My sister laughs at that and says she didn't care 2 do it 2 U. But I'm a firm believer in what comes around goes around and she's getting her just desserts now.
I have run off a few potentially good men because of him though. And I'm sorry for that, but I don't intend on being pushed into anything too fast. And how am I suppose to move on if everytime I try to date someone he pushes his authority around, I do have a restraining order already in play, but to him, thats just a piece of paper. He lets me know all the time "He is the Law"

Me and my husband are young newly college graduates but I just knew I was ready to get married...and I was but he wasn't...we had normal marital probs like anyone else nothing that should push a person to cheat...but my husband did. He went out of the country with some people he knew and came back completely different. He all of a sudden was cold and saying he didn't want to be with me he had feelings for someone else and it wasn't going to work out with us. I couldn't believe it, we went to councling and he went further and further with her before councling they were just making out after councling he slept with her more than once, we seperated and have our own places and he says hes not with her and he wants our family back (me and our son)and wants things to be like they were before but i feel he still has secrets and i will never trust him again. HE BROKE OUR WEDDING VOWS! He betrayed me and my son, abandoned us at one point for a stranger, and disrespected as his wife. I have been in extreme emotional ups and downs and this situation has brought on more problems that I don't even want to go into. If it were just us without a child in the middle it would be so easy to leave but I'm taking my time before making a decision to make sure that I am doing right by God and my child I am praying and seeking God and trusting him for my answer and for me to make the best decision. It's the hardest thing I ever had to go through so far, but everyday I try to keep in mind that God allows everyone to go through some type of hard time in their life because if we trust in him and let him help us threw it then he can bless us....so I'm trying to stop worrying about what my husband is doing because he's obviously not with God so nothing he does right now is going to amount to anything but only hurt him and whoever else gives into the pain he is causing. He will learn the hard way but I know I need to stop angry and destroying his things because it just makes things worse and I keep thinking that I need to be a good role model for my baby and focus on him. I cried when i realized that i was putting my husband before God because i trusted him so much that i thought i knew that he would never cheat but truth is everyone is a sinner and anyone is capable of anything. So I ask for forgiveness and am working on getting God back to first place in my heart cuz i know he won't hurt me for sure...he'll only make my life better than I can imagine....my advice to all of you who wake up every morning in disbelief of your cheating is spouse is to please take your focus from him or the pain WILL NOT STOP...your situation is God's way of telling you he wants to be first in your life and if you give up and let go and put the cheater and mistreses in his hands you'll get your revenger when your spouse how blessed you are and what he gave up. It takes time but it's worth it!

Cheating is usually a symptom of an unhealthy relationship. It destroys friendships, breaks trust, and causes guilt, anger, hurt and many other negative emotions. Cheating in relationships is not going to last. People know all these facts, but still go on cheating others.

The major point about cheating in relationships is that it is accidental. Most people do not want to cheat on their associates. A known fact is that most persons who experience infidelity in their relationships are likely to experience in future also, even when they move on to other relationships. This is pretty incredible, but true. Some people think that getting badly burned once would be sufficient. However, this is not quite the way it occurs for many people.

There are several reasons why cheating, adultery, infidelity and extra marital affairs often occur in many relationships. People are complicated and appearances can be deceptive. Cheating in relationships depends upon several factors. One important factor is the choice of a partner or spouse. If the choice is not in line with what they require or wish, or with what their partner can give them, there is a chance of cheating.

Cheating also occurs when people fail to give their relationships priority by putting time and energy into them. Another major reason is the failure to understand the issues that led to infidelity in the first place. Many people do not want to analyze the role they played in the failure of a relationship. In most cases, they blame others for things that went wrong rather than look inward for complete understanding.

Cheating often occurs in many marital relationships. Communication is here the most problematic issue. For a myriad of reasons, partners get little time to talk about feelings with each other, particularly negative feelings. In some relationships, partners are not allowed to share unhappiness. Misunderstandings also make people feel that their spouse does not want to hear their problems. So they do not talk about difficulties. The lack of a sense of empowerment, issues of self esteem and unequal partnership are also significant problems in any relationship.

Marcel McCrea is the worst cheater on earth. If you know him, don't even waste your way. He's a compulsive liar and serial manipulator!

ESSENCE.com: What are the consequences of revenge affairs?
HOUSTON: Revenge affairs usually backfire. It generally doesn't work out the way the woman thinks it will. Either he doesn't care or he's not able to get past revenge cheating. Men are not as forgiving as women are. Usually it's such an affront to his manhood that, if she's desirous of getting the relationship back on track, it can totally destroy [any chance of that].

ESSENCE.com: What are the consequences of destroying his property?
HOUSTON: It's not a good idea. It can either land you in jail or escalate to violence with the partner.

ESSENCE.com: What are some legal ways to get revenge?
HOUSTON: There are about seven states remaining--Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah--where a married woman can sue [her husband's] mistress for "alienation of affection," and she can get money from the mistress. If the mistress is a woman of means, the betrayed wife can make a pretty penny.

Some women will look to run up [their husband's] charge account and max out their charge cards. If he's a man of means, he'll have less money to buy the Cadillacs and the expensive things that he's used to.

If there are children involved, many times a woman will deny her man access to his children or she may divorce him and take such a huge chunk of his income for alimony and child support that he has nothing to live on, and, in many cases, the mistress doesn't want him any more.

ESSENCE.com: What is third party revenge?
HOUSTON: Some women will go through a third party to get revenge. For example, if the person comes from a very religious background, the woman may reveal the affair to [her man's] church family or a minister. If it's a workplace affair, [she] may go to human resources. If he's cheating with a woman who is married or in a committed relationship, [his wife or girlfriend] may tell the spouse or significant other of the mistress.

Also, wives and girlfriends are privy to their man's deep dark secrets. If he owes back taxes, many women will blow the whistle. If he's involved in some shady activities, some women will drop a dime.

ESSENCE.com: What's your advice to those who want to seek revenge?
HOUSTON: Revenge is not healthy to actually carry out, but some people really and truly can not get past the infidelity unless they feel they have evened the score. The best revenge is just to ignore the cheater; put him so completely out of your life and let him see that he was so insignificant in your life that he didn't cause a ripple. It's easier said than done, but if you try to let some time pass and think rationally about it, then you'll realize it's not worth the trouble. I don't advocate revenge at all, but if you have to do something, do something harmless.

ESSENCE.com: Give us an example of something harmless that women have done.
HOUSTON: [Before she left her husband] one woman cut one arm off of all of his business suits and that Monday when he got up to put his suit on, one arm was missing from all of his suits. In her mind she evened the score, but it was pretty harmless, except that he needed to buy some new clothes.

serves the cheater right. you have heard of dontdatehimgirl.com? same concept. out him, make her (the next potential victim) aware and everybody's happy.

It is amazing how hurtful someone can be. It seems like the women that are using names of the women this man is now seeing and hometowns and sororities have other intentions. Are you that heartbroken or still in love? If he is that bad, move on!! Why include those that have nothing to do with it. What point are you making? Want to ruin the wedding? Hurt feelings?

@Erin Saunders, Kia...I know Marcel Mccrea too we are in same boat! Would love to talk about this. blacbarbie@live.com

ron basile south carolina dated a few times found out he is married. i feel sorry for his wife

Marcel McCrea from Charlotte??? Stephanie's baby's daddy? Girl, did you know Mr. Can't Keep It In His Pants is engaged now to Adrienne Doctor, a Delta. Haha! They'll be divorced before the year's out.

Marcel McCrea is the worst cheater on earth. If you know him, don't even waste your way. He's a compulsive liar and serial manipulator!

"Let Go And Let God." Words 2 live by. He is proving 2 my ex that U never miss the water till the well runs dry.

Surfooledme,
I've been right where u r. And u r right in letting God take over the situation. Trust me it is even harder when there is a child involved. My son now will B 14yrs old in a few months, and he is more like his father than I care to know. His hormones have truely kicked into high geer. OVERLOAD. Everyday theres a different young lady calling 4 my wanting 2 go out with my son. My ex has started to notice this as well, but what he's not doing is actually talk'n 2 our son about the issues, he's more so scolding him 4 it. How can u scold your teenage son for what (he calls playing the field), when he watched u go out and cheat on his mother and at times was asked not 2 say anything. I've been spending more time with a new someone here recently. And now I'm beginning 2 get more calls from my ex. Which he is prone 2 do whenever there has been someone else interested, being the detective that he is most people that know him r truely intimidated and have been known 2 back away from pursuing an actual relationship with me. I got a call from him the other day inregards of my son, or so he stated. But during the conversation, he felt the need 2 inform me how much he has changed, that he's more spiritual now, and he doesn't feel that me dating right now with our son's issues was a good idea. Knowing how controlling my ex is, the last thing I want is confrontation. But he seems more concerned about what I'm doing than what our son is truely going through. I don't know exactly what 2 say to my ex, (mostly due 2 fear), but our son is mimmicking what he's seen, the fact that he thinks its ok 2 have 3 girlfriends at one time. (Wow.. That's a slap in my ex's face.) I've tried 2 explain 2 my son, this is not right and neither of the young ladies R going 2 feel special or even trust him. But I truely feel that my ex should step up and deal with what a monster he has created. Not call with concerns of me dating now.