Eight signs the guy you're dating isn't that into you.read more...
Paul Carrick shares his top 5 most interesting reasons.read more...
6 Reasons to Date More Than One At A TimeThe Dating GameIf I wasn't a matchmaker, I would be a Scotch Bonnet farmer in Jamaica...seriously, no joke! Something about the simplicity of it is very compelling. On my last trip to the island, I hung out with a few farmers and I'll never forget a nugget of wisdom one dropped on me "don't stop watering all your crops when one seed starts to sprout." WOW, can someone say #WINNING-QUOTE?It's an idea that can be applied to nearly every aspect of life, dating being no exception! There are two ways to date: sequentially (one at a time) or aggregately (more than one at a time).If you choose the former, I guarantee, on average, you'll deal with more heartache and finding your partner to jump the broom will take longer! If you choose the latter, on average, you will have a higher satisfaction level when dating and you will match with your beloved faster! I wish I had a longitudinal study I could cite to immediately silence the naysayers, but I don't. However, what I do have is several years of hands on matchmaking/coaching experience that has allowed me to interact with thousands of people and it's been through those experiences that I witnessed the strategy of 'dating more than one at a time' is where it's at! Let me be clear about "dating aggregately," I'm not saying to get your SuperHead or Kat Stacks on, nor am I saying to build a harem. Also, I'm not suggesting to juggle multiple "committed" partners. Dating more than one person at once is for you, only if you: 1) Are in the casual dating phase. 2) Are willing to be honest with people about "how you date." 3) Have the stamina to keep up with multiple dates. If you can handle it, I strongly suggest giving it a try. There are 6 reasons why I consider "dating more than one at a time" to be the MOST effective dating strategy:Dating Takes TimeDating takes time — and one at a time equals A LOT of time!This argument is for the statistic junkies as well as the folks with "efficiency" as their middle name. The bottom line is that if you choose to date sequentially, on average, it will take you longer to meet your beloved.According to my calculations, nearly 5 times longer.Peep the math: The average woman will date 127 men before finding Mr. Right. Assuming the average number of months you date each person is 1 (this is a very conservative estimate), dating sequentially would mean an average of 10 ½ years of dating to find your beloved! Now, let's look at the aggregately dating woman. Based on my suggestion of dating up to 5 people at once, and assuming the same 127 line of men mentioned above, at an average of 1 month dating per man, it would take this person only 2 years of dating to find "the one." "Numbers don't lie" - Jay ZDating Is a Learned SkillThis is a fact that those who are not "good" daters should take comfort in. There is a reason why the Pick Up Artist industry thrives and that is because there are certain skills, such as building a rapport and reading body language, that are key when dating. While reading advice columns and self-help books is helpful (I should rephrase that to...reading "select" columns and self-help books is helpful), there is nothing better than putting theory to practice - the more you date, the better you will become! Also, the better you become, the more you'll enjoy dating (which is very important).Odds Are, He's Dating Multiple PeopleThe reality of dating is that, whether we're honest about it or not, MOST of us are already dating aggregately - however, only few disclose it. From a survey I did with my clients, 80% of them reported seeing more than one person (at a time) during their dating life. The dagger...only 30% fully disclosed their dating habits to all people they were dating.Today, with so many ways for us to date/flirt via online dating, social media, and mobile applications, we're organically trending towards a society of "aggregate" daters. The key is to own up to it and be honest about what you're doing.Comparison Allows You to See Who's the Stand-out"The New Guy/Girl" syndrome is something we've all faced in dating.It's when a new person enters the picture and things seem great at first, but soon you realize they're not perfect after all and that there were qualities of your former boyfriend or girlfriend that you liked just as much.Wouldn't it have been great to have had the opportunity to compare apples to apples?Well, when dating aggregately, you won't face this issue. In real-time you can see how they stack-up against the competition.Your Dates Will Show Intention Faster"The New Guy/Girl" syndrome is something we've all faced in dating.It's when a new person enters the picture and things seem great at first, but soon you realize they're not perfect after all and that there were qualities of your former boyfriend or girlfriend that you liked just as much.Wouldn't it have been great to have had the opportunity to compare apples to apples?Well, when dating aggregately, you won't face this issue. In real-time you can see how they stack-up against the competition.Don't Front... A Dating Strategy Is EffectiveUltimately, courting, wooing, dating is fun...yada, yada, yada...but it's most fun when the end result is a committed partner. I guarantee if you talk to 10 women/men in committed relationships, most would tell you they followed (even if very loosely) some type of plan to land them in the relationship they're in. PLANS ARE EFFECTIVE. This is a running theme in my pieces...we rarely do anything successfully in life without a plan...dating should not be different. Dating multiple people at once should be a component of that plan. Why? Simply because it works. Don't believe me?Take the "aggregate dating challenge" — increase the number of people you're dating at once to 5, and maintain that for 30 days.Report back to me on fb.com/PaulBrunson or on twitter @PaulCBrunson-when you do, I predict you'll have grown exponentially in your dating skills and have an overall higher dating satisfaction rate!Paul Carrick BrunsonThere you are! Here are my six reasons why you should be dating more than one man at a time! If you have specific questions about any of these tips, please reach out to me via facebook.com/PaulBrunson or twitter @PaulCBrunsonread more...
7 Dating Tips to Improve Your Dating LifeGuranteed Tips For Better DatingAnytime you standout, people ask questions - lots of them. As the world's only black male matchmaker, I guess I standout... and because of it, I get asked many questions. What's most interesting is that in nearly every interview I do, the questioning pattern is the same - literally, I get the same questions. And, they typically end with the following: "what one bit of dating advice would you like to share?" I actually HATE this question because dating advice is like having rice-n-peas... it shouldn't come alone. Rice-n-peas require jerk chicken, plantains, and coco bread... otherwise, as my grandmother would say, "it's simply not proper, mon." So, today, I'm going to go beyond that one question and give you my 7 top dating tips. They can be done individually, however, for the most bang for your buck, incorporate them simultaneously and I guarantee your dating life will improve. I know that used in this context the word "guarantee" sounds used car salesman-like, but there is not better word to describe it - if you follow these 7 tips, I GUARANTEE your dating life will improve.Tip#1 Hold Up a Mirror and Point Your FingerThe hardest thing to do is self-assess and accept responsibility. I can see Bill Clinton still believing "he didn't have sexual relations with that woman" but the fact is, he did. And for many of us, we don't know how to face the hard facts - we're picky (not selective), we're overweight (not curvy), our style is outdated (not vintage), etc. The sooner we admit our flaws, the easier it is to accept or improve them. Self-awareness is always the first step to self-development.Tip#2 Idenify A Love MentorThis is a person that can objectively give you relationship advice. Securing a Love Mentor can be the single most impactful step you make in your romantic life, if done correctly! Doing this correctly means selecting the right person. Love mentors can be same or opposite sex than you. The keys are that they a) share your values. b) can speak to you objectively. c) know what a healthy relationship is (through experience not just watching the Obamas on TV).Tip#3 Surround Yourself with New PeopleAs we get older, our social circles typically shrink. With friends still being a top source for meeting the partners we eventually marry, a shrinking pool of people doesn't help. That said, it is important to accept that invitation to your co-worker's dinner party that you had intended to blow off or take the plunge and join the art appreciation group at the museum. The best thing you can do for your dating life is to create NEW opportunities... and opportunities come via people.Tip#4 Drop 10% Of Your FriendsThis is something I learned years ago... and apologies to my old friends reading this that I no longer talk to.Yes, that's right, I intentionally drop 10% of my friends EVERY year. This is not to be confused with the naturally occurring attrition that comes with time and distance. I'm talking about taking account of your current social circles and evaluating those with negative intent. Life is hard enough just keeping up and the last thing we need is a negative force bringing us down and imposing doubt. While we all evolve, not all of us evolve in a positive direction.Tip#5 If They Aren't Marriage Material, They're Aren't Sex MaterialI can't tell you how many people tell me "I slept with this person because I think they really care for me." WHAAAAT? That's your standard for sex? When did the bar drop so low??Sex is not a reward for good behavior - if you want to reward someone's kindness, you take them to lunch not between the sheets! Point blank. Period. And, don't get me started on "I had sex to save the relationship," I've never once heard someone tell me "Paul, you know I hadn't planned on marrying her but damn, the sex is so good I'll buy the ring."- NEVER... this doesn't happen! Raise your standard and maintain it!Tip#6 Expect For Love to Come In an Unexpected PackageI remember being in a room with the top 250 matchmakers from around the world, most of them had been in the profession for over 15 years, working with 50-100 clients per year. Collectively, that's A LOT of relationships these folks have played a direct role in. When asked what was the number one lesson learned, time after time it was said "love comes in unexpected packages." I have personally witnessed this in my matchmaking business - someone will say, "I'll never date a guy with this and that."Then, they meet a guy with "this and that", the chemistry is on, and everything else becomes secondary. I do not want you to miss out on love because you are not open-minded to all the ways it can arrive.Expect love to come in unexpected packages!Tip#7 Create a Plan and Follow ItWhat's most fascinating with what I call my "corporate power" clients is that while they can micro manage their way through the minefields of the top businesses in the country, they use no planning in their dating life. The reason this digs at me is because in literally every other aspect of our lives, we plan... to get in the right school... to get the promotion... to lose the weight... all of these parts of our life cannot be accomplished without planning. Our romantic life should be no different. Identify an online and offline dating strategy... and follow it!Paul Carrick Brunsonhere you have it... My 7 top dating tips.Try these for 30 days and keep me posted on the results! If you have specific questions about any of these tips, please reach out to me via facebook.com/PaulBrunson or twitter @PaulCBrunsonread more...