You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been with my husband for 5 years now. We got married two-and-a-half years ago but about a year or so into our marriage things began to unravel.
I thought it was because of his drinking and his diagnosis of being bipolar but something bigger happened and about year ago he left me.
When I say he left me, I mean he took everything he bought. Despite him leaving me and the way in which he did it, I have still loved him and I deal with the hurt in hopes he comes back to be man I fell in love with. So far, he's proven me wrong.
I recently found out he not only left me but about a month before he left, my stepdaughter moved in with us and the two began having an affair.
He doesn't understand why this is wrong and in the past, he constantly blamed all our issues on me. I intially tried to get past this but this is incest--it's not only wrong but it's illegal. He is bipolar and has has a history of being violent in the past. He has taken our youngest son and refused to give back.
I want out without a fight but I really need your help.
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You want out? You may not realize it, you are already out.
Your husband left you and took "everything" he bought with him. This suggests that he has no plans to return. If he did not give you a fight when he left, why do you think he will give you one now? Or, are you looking for an excuse to remain in his life. If that is the case, the question becomes why? This is a man that you said had a drinking problem and once took your son and did not return him. He is also the same person who left you and is having an affair with his step-daughter. You mentioned that the affair was incestuous and illegal but your husband saw nothing wrong with it. You failed to mention the age of his stepdaughter. If she is a minor, these are serious allegations. If it is indeed incestuous and illegal, it is child abuse and you have an obligation to report it to the police or to the Department of Family and Children. If you chose to ignore it, you become a part of it. You made it clear that you still love you husband in spite of all he has done. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and need to be in an unhealthy relationship. This will also give you an opportunity to process how to deal with your report of your husband's violent behavior and diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. You can not change or make your husband's choices but you are in control of yours. —Dr. Sherry
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