Ask Dr. Sherry: 'His Mistress Miscarried'

She signed up for happily ever after but what she got was a nightmare. Will Dr. Sherry help her heal her pain?

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Hi Dr Sherry, 

I got married to my husband a year ago and found out that he cheated on me with another woman 6 months after our wedding. What's worse is that he impregnated her but she had a miscarriage in the process. I'm trying to forget about this whole thing but it's very hard. I don't even feel like being intimate with him because when we have sex, I picture him with that woman.

Please help!
 

Hey Sis, 


Unfortunately, it is highly likely that the honeymoon period of your marriage was over before you said "I do." 

You are dealing with a cheating husband and a pregnant side chick after only six months of marriage. I clearly understand why it is hard to forget and be intimate with your husband as if nothing has happened. You would have to have amnesia to forget all of that!

Why should you forget what has happened and just move on?  It really doesn't matter that the other woman had a miscarriage.

The fact is that your husband has been cheating on you and you have been married for only a year. Trust, commitment, and other basic values that most marriages are build on are missing. I have to believe that there were many  "tell tale" signs and red flags flying about your husband before your marriage. If that is the case, why were they ignored? Have you confronted you husband about what has happened? I am surprised that you did not expressed anger, outrage, hurt, disappointment, or other feelings.

Be careful and avoid internalizing your feelings. It is impossible to have a healthy marriage without some brutally honest conversations to express your feelings. I recommend that you seek couples therapy to really look at your marriage. Once you are able to process marital issues, I recommend individual therapy.

This will give you a chance to understand yourself and your true feelings before making any major decision about the marriage.

Life is too short to be unhappy and you determine what makes you happy. --Dr. Sherry 

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Filed under: Love & Sex