WHOA!!!! People are incredibly harsh about this story. Get a grip, She should have known..., and the worst of all I think...is she has been "dickmotized".

Really, you cannot put everyone in the same boat based on your own or someone you may know expereinces with a man.

First, no one knows what exactly took place between these people in this relationship but them and GOD.

So it is my suggestion that we all be grateful that this woman is alive and well and able to share her heartfelt story with us all and that this true "life expereince" for her may be used as a "learning experience" for us all, if we so choose.

Second, whatever her ex-fiance might have lead her to believe, I'm sure it was "BELIEVABLE" enough that she felt "SAFE" enough to be with him to "re-start" her family life which included having a second child with him which of course he knew about.

Remember this isn't some guy she just met this was her "high school sweetheart" so she did have prior knowledge of his behavior, family, life interests, goals, etc. Ohh and I really like the fact that "HE PROPOSED TO HER".

Leading me to concede that he "ACT-UALLY" knew full well what he was doing when he decided that communicating with her about his feelings was just too hard and that it was easier for him to "disengage himself" from "their" family unit which btw he "solidified/confirmed" with an, again "PROPOSAL".

Therefore, it is my opinion that no one should be as candidly judgemental as some of you have been to say that she should have known better. Known better what?

She is no more responsible for that man's actions or reactions no than any of us could be or should be expected to be in any case.

You could say that she should've taken more time to focus on her but remember her first child was approximately three when they began dating again.

I have also heard that no on person can do to you what you don't/won't allow them to which is true to some extent.

It is a famous Biblical quote that "No one on earth is promised tomorrow".

Causing me to understand that Georgie-Poorgie should take responsibility for his actions and suffer the consequences period.

Far too often we woman make excuses for men, taking the blame for them, making excuses to our children for them, holding onto while creating false hope to better their image. All the while we are falling apart.

What happened to "Girl Power"?

I am happy for her that she has a mother who cares enough for her daughter to pull her up when she is down.

I happy for her that she is healthy and whole again. It is not for me to say that she should/shouldn't be with this man that's of her free will to do.

Lastly, thank you Essence for printing this article. It shows that woman who strive for higher education and a life being successful, productive citizens in this society are no more/less excused from falling prey to weak men.

Also, I especially thank you for NOT lowering your standards as a published article. Maury has his place in the media and clearly so do you.

Grateful for your point of VIEW.

Lovingly,
ChocCitycCick

If this young lady wasn't a lawyer, Essence wouldn't have printed this article. Real talk, the difference between her and some of the "ghetto chicks" that is that she has education...if it wasn't that, Essence wouldn't have given this chick the time of day.

SMH....

The second Guy new she would take him back after he finished playing with another woman because she has the syndrome. It doesn’t matter if you have multiple Degree’s, millions of dollars in the bank, or if you are on Maury getting paternity test, if you’re easily blinded by great sex than you will be stupid for any man that can provide that stimulation. Every single Woman in America either knows or is related to a Woman who is a fool for a Man. It’s almost always because of great sex other times its financial reasons. You hardly ever see a Woman being a complete fool for a 300 or 400lb. Man. In the words of Sommore she has been “D**kmotized”. We’ve all been there at one point in our lives, including myself. She should try holding out for at least 6 months before getting physical with a Man. This gives her the chance to get to know him before catching feelings physically.

Thanks Essence for publishing this and despite the judgement and harsh comments, I hope that you continue to publish stories like this. There is no mold for black women. We come in all different shapes, sizes, mindsets, and have different experiences and value systems. I saw way too many comments that focused on how the story should have ended and telling Rickell what she should have done. The truth is that we are all human and trying to live life the best way we know how. Not everyone wants nor will their lives result like the ending of a Tyler Perry movie.

Instead of all the attitude and ignorant comments we (as black women) should celebrate the fact that Rickell came out of this situation with a closer relationship with her mom, became a better mother to her kids, and grew as a woman. It's fine to make suggestions, but instead of being judgemental, we should strive to be encouraging.

I wonder if she prayed about it. As I was waiting for her to reveal her revelation. I thought, "she has found GOD and realized that without him we are nothing." I was disappointed.

Good for you..Forget the men we as women have to be strong for our children because if you are unhappy they are unhappy.Go on you have a great career and healthy kids.Keep the garbarge outside because it stinks

This is supposed to be inspiring, but it honestly just makes me glad that I'm a single 36 year old woman who doesn't compromise on her morals! The writer seems to be intelligent but has made some bad life decisions concerning men! God allowed her to get out of a bad relationship when the man LEFT her and her kids, but she went back into the same relationship with the same man. So it's not about the kids after all! I hope she gets a clue and starts loving herself as much as she loves the children and this confused father figure.

Was this supposed to be an inspiring story? It all seemed to be ok until I read that she went back to him..WTH??? Ummm...where is her back-bone? If he got shook up because of his own child, doesn't seem like it would take much to shake him up again...very strange...If she was getting her life together and dating, then that's the path she should've stayed on..who cares if he came crawling back??? His freakin' loss!! She made my skin crawl at the end of this story...We could've totally done without this story...Am I supposed to show this "inspiring" story to my 16 yr old daughter and give her the impression that being a door mat is alright? Or how about I show this story to my 11 yr old son to point how a man can abandon his family for another woman but come back any time as long as he is "sincere" in his begging...This article is a joke....

TheOtherPOV, I personally appreciate your insight and your comments. My initial comments were directly to anotherPOV 11/30.

I find it amazing how judgmental folks are. First, to anotherPOV/otherPOV if you are tired of the same old sob story & you'd like for "us" folk to start doing better let's start here. It would be nice to hear "word on the street" from the man's point of view. But this story wasn't really about him, it's more about what another woman in this position has gone through, the affects, decisions, & outcomes that have come from this particular situation. Furthermore, if you see this as just another sob story & not something that has enlightened you or encouraged you (or someone you know) to surely make better choices then you should ignore the article. Next, this article was extremely “fluffy”. ¾ of what should have been included was not. The situation was a lot worse, heart-wrenching, dysfunctional, and tragic than what has been presented in the article. The purpose of her sharing her story was so that someone else in this position could know that they ARE NOT the only person who has, is, or might ever experience a relationship like this. There are women who lose themselves with the man they are with or think they’re with. Everyday women kill themselves or those involved in such relationships as these. Just yesterday someone shared that a friend hung herself over some crap like this. Of course there may have been other circumstances, but thank God there were no children involved. That may have saved this other woman. Although you & anyone else reading this story may not have thought it was “that serious”, for someone else it could’ve been! This article wasn’t about bringing that “man” down, embarrassing him, or retaliating against him. There are definitely better ways of doing that than interviewing for an article. Additionally, to “the sister”; never really heard of you until this article. Thought he was primarily an only child. With that said, how involved were you? How much time have you spent with this family? To me it sounds like he needed a fresh shoulder & a redeemer. Unfortunately, the redeemer he should be seeking, he is not. Furthermore, he didn’t need to read the story until everyone else read it…his approval was not needed. The story wasn’t defamation against him. It wasn’t even about him. It sounds more like, I can’t deny the cheating but I need something to gripe about. So “the sister”, who are you again (FYI, its article)? Addressing the “abandonment” charge; when you choose to SEEK something outside of a commitment & then act on that choice regardless of the consequences…you have abandoned your family. Period. It is extremely hard to be a full-time parent when you’re working on a part-time schedule! Thus, choices you make especially in this manner leave you to abandoned your family especially if someone has to argue with you about when you’re picking up the kids, how much time you ARE not spending with them, etc. If the Lawyer had been the one to leave the home & kids stay with daddy…she ABANDONED them. Period. Lastly, how disappointing it is to see how easy folks forget what is like to give your all in a relationship & it not be reciprocated. Or to watch someone you care about go through it whether it be your mother, sister, brother, or whomever. This is not just applicable to a romantic relationship, but friendships, families, etc. The Lawyer was not airing dirty laundry, again she was sharing a story that was helpful to someone, if not you. If you are sick & tired of such stories, then leave it alone. I pray that you & no one else has to deal with infidelity, unfaithfulness, deceit, and trauma in their lives. But those that do, know that there is happiness coming. You don’t have to be a product of circumstance, you have an opportunity to make better decisions in your future as well as encourage others to learn from yours.

This is an article for women, therefore there is no such thing as "anotherPOV" [see 11/30/09 anotherPOV comment]. However, I am the other POV and trust one thing I did not and will not ever in my lifetime abandon my children!

The man in this story is my brother, and he would never abandon those kids, including the one that's not his. My brother did not know about this artical until it was already published. He thought they working things out and making progress, then here comes this artical. My brother is hurt with the comments she made because the facts are not all true. She really needs to look at her faults also. I'm not saying this because he's my brother, I'm saying this because he loves her and them kids.

Thank you for sharing your story and it was very inspiring. Word of encouragment. You are a beautiful woman, you have a great job and you have beautiful children and also a great mom. Thank God for that. Everything is going to be alright. Hold your head up and pray. Put God first.
Be bless

Essence I would love to hear the man's side of the story here. The woman says that she is working it out with him so obviously he knows about this article. I would really like to know how the events transpired in his mind and if he feels that he abandoned his responsibilities as a father when he left. If not maybe Essence could do a "Word on the Street" asking men "under what circumstances would they decide to abandon their own child". I have posted a comment on this story a souple of times. I guess I'm drawn to it because I'm tired of hearing this same sob story; I want us (Black people,Black women and men) to do better.

Leaving a cave like experience called marriage for me was so liberating. My sanity and safety are what I know I must keep in balance. Being married for only three years and residing with a chronic hoarder and antiquated thinking husband almost split my pysche several times. I tried to surrender with love and find out what would really make the marriage work. I suffered second hand smoke inhalations on a daily basis. True, I knew that he was a smoker before I married him, but I did not know that he was a verbal abuser,a whoremonger, a nocturnal basketcase and that he had been totally abused as a child. So unfortunately, I married a 60 year old man who was still emotionally 12 years old. For three long years my husband only ventured into the bedroom to "do his business"...sound like the color purple? I could not understand why he even married me if he was not willing to make his house our home. Now it takes two to do the dance of malice, so the more he ignored, rejected, and abandoned me and tried to enslave me to his dominating, controlling and manipulative impusles, the more I emotionally shut down. Then one day I realized that I was helping him to destroy the free spirited woman that I was. I over worked myself so that I would not have to stay in the house alot. Remember the smoke thing? I prayed to God and asked for complete deliverance from my marriage. I will be honest and admit that when deliverance came, it did not come the way that I thought it would. I have been separated from my husband now for three months and I am residing with one of my aunts and just beginning to breathe afresh newness in my life. I purposely recapture me on a daily basis. Sisters your safety and your sanity are the most precious personal possessions that we have. Keep your mind clear and focused on those things that bring you order, peace and joy. Always remove yourself from anything and anyone that tries to abuse you in any form. Remember that abuse can be verbal, emotional and physical. I was forced from my marriage and it really is very painful to chart my new course, but I know who I was before my marriage and I love her more and more each day.