So, the myth goes, when it comes to dating, men have more options than Sunday brunch at B Smith’s. Men (supposedly) juggle multiple women and have (if they want) a date every night. But the reality is far from this. The average number of dates a man has per month is only one, AND despite the popularity of technology and dating, the majority (56%) of men on dating sites never receive a single message of interest — It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp (using my “Hustle and Flow” voice). But just like last week when I presented options for ladies to increase the availability pool, I’m giving men the same choices to expand the number of women they meet. Either 1) Expand your social circles. 2) Open your mind to new women. Today we’re back to focusing on #2 – the following list includes the 10 most underrated women and what you can do, ladies, if you fall in one of these categories and want to stand out!
5 Foot 9'ers (and Taller)
Social norms tell us that in romantic relationships the man should be taller than the woman. But with only 14 percent of the male population being over 6’ tall, this leaves tall women with few choices outside of hunching over and wearing flats in hopes of appearing less statuesque, right? Wrong! Contrary to these “norms,” I suggest embracing your height. Those attempts to fool the eye of a potential suitor don’t work and actually make you appear self-conscious read less attractive Confidence is sexy! Don’t be afraid to wear those 5-inch platform stiletto Louboutins… put them on and walk tall!
You know who you are… at social gatherings you’re the wallflower or perhaps you don’t get out to social gatherings because you’re just fine reading at home or catching up on the latest show on Hulu. That said, the one thing I promise you is that Mr. Right will not be found in your apartment. To get noticed, you’ve got to get out more. Start slow. Perhaps this week you’ll read in Barnes and Noble, the next week you’ll join an activity you enjoy through a Meetup group (one of my favorite sites for singles to expand their social circles is www.meetup.com).
Ms. Jr. Booty
Long before Nicki Minaj, Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé, men have appreciated an ample derrière. Since the beginning of time, a woman with a larger back was viewed as feminine and beautiful. But before you invest in butt implants or make a smaller investment in the Booty Pop (on sale at Target for only $20… yes, I had to research that), know that men DO have love for the ladies with a Jr. Booty. Remember, it’s all about proportion — as long as your hip to waist ratio is 70% or less (divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement to determine), you have a figure that will make most men look twice.
Madame Business Mogul
I cringe when I hear the infamous line “he was intimidated by me” because 90 percent of the time that line really translates to “he’s not interested in me because of some reason that I don’t know so I’m going to insert the word ‘intimidated.’" But if you’re in the business mogul category, the “intimidation” factor could be the truth. For the moguls out there, know that MOST guys are not daunted by an ambitious woman with a career path. However, men are very visual so you have to evaluate how you are presenting yourself, especially on a date. Be sure to change out of your power suit and opt for a dress instead. Also, put away your blackberry — show that you want to get to know him and that you’re in the moment and not monitoring email to see if that deal closed. At the end of the day, men want femininity and if you’re also a power player, consider it a bonus!
Beyoncé sang your praises in “Independent Women” and then she reinforced it with “Single Ladies”… then she got married (gotcha!). You may naturally be a woman that doesn’t like to depend on others for anything or perhaps the school of hard-knocks has shaped you into the self-sufficient woman you are. All of that’s good, BUT understand a key question a man asks himself before making a full commitment is “can I please her?” If the answer is no, he has evaluated that you take care of everything yourself (he can’t even open the door for you), therefore, he is unnecessary in your life. You deserve to be catered to, so let go of the reins sometimes.
Over 35 Years Old
There is no question that the dating game changes as your biological clock begins to tick. However, change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s unfortunate that many women feel that they have a desirability expiration date, but that is simply not true. The dating scene for women over 35 is more vibrant than ever — I’ve never seen so many dating events/companies/initiatives for this age demo. Moreover, men wanting a committed relationship place core values and interests over age. The thing that will scare men off is when you let them know on the first date that you’re looking for a husband and father to your future children and that the deal needs to be sealed within a year. Take the pressure off your date but more importantly, take it off yourself and you’ll see dating can be a fun and rewarding experience.
You feel that you have no time to go out between work, PTA meetings, and after-school activities. And when there is time, you can still think of 10 things around the house that need to be taken care of. But make sure you’re taking care of you, too. You also feel there is a stigma that a man will prefer a woman who doesn’t have children so he can “start fresh.” Not true! Especially for a man that has walked a mile in your shoes — reportedly, 2.6 million single dads are out there as the primary caregiver. Whether you find yourself with one of these single dads or with a guy who just respects your hustle, take the relationship slow and show your other interesting dimensions. Even though you love your kids like no one else, you still enjoy salsa dancing and sangria.
He calls you for advice on everything from where to take his girlfriend on vacation to professional decisions like should he take that job on the Hill in DC. You prefer jeans and a tee over a mini-skirt and stilettos (like his other girls prefer). Sound familiar? Almost every guy has a homegirl — a female confidante — someone with whom we share the closest of information but is “just a friend.” If this is you and you’d like to upgrade your status with him, don’t fret, timing is everything. Some of the strongest relationships I know of started between friends. Don’t change your style, but perhaps enhance it. Instead of a boxy tee, wear a fitted one to accentuate your curves. Take down your ponytail and let him see that you also have an alluring side. Most importantly, maintain a frequent emotional connection — several studies show repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more. So, the more you interact with him, the more he’ll like you.
The Plus-Size Diva
You’re a size 20 and not a size 2. You have a wonderful personality, but on Friday nights it’s just you and the girls (your actual friends or just your appendages). One thing I’ve realized from matchmaking and coaching women over the past few years is that your size does not dictate your circumstance. As long as you are healthy and happy with your size, make no apologies for it — why should you? The key obstacle ladies face in this category is truly themselves. Your belief is your reality! Many men do like curvy women and there are countless surveys published to prove this point. However, what men looking for a committed relationship don’t like is the Notorious L.S.E. (Low Self-Esteem). To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.
Celibate and Proud
They say good girls don’t give it up, but with 67% of people having some form of sexual contact by the third date, it’s easy to see how a good girl can go bad — and it’s also easy to see why those who hold back from such interaction could be labeled prudish. Hear ye! Hear ye! Never falter from your conviction. Your decision to wait until you’re married is a respected value, maybe not by everyone you meet, but trust me, your future husband will loooove you for it. Always be true to yourself and never make apologies for the decisions you feel are best. I rarely come across a man who, when genuinely interested in a committed relationship, balks at the prospect of waiting until the wedding night to get in between the sheets.
Paul Carrick Brunson
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