Essence

In consideration of others, please keep your comments concise and relevant to the story subject. Refrain from using offensive, inappropriate language. Because of the large volume of comments, we cannot and will not respond to individual inquiries; do not post them below. ESSENCE.com reserves the right to delete any entries or comments.

your comment: your name:

Other comments on this article.

This is the second book I read and I love his books they help me realine my thougts and get back on trackm. Some of the information was the same as the last bbok so I wonder what will b next

-Anonymous

you ignorant people... boom has just quoted what he heard, and most of all common sense. it you can't figure that out, you really need his help. you damned fools!

-wno

I can appreciate the words conveyed from Big Boom. As previous readers have stated, it is disconcerting to hear some men generalize women but he makes some very valid points. It's definately a must read for a woman looking inside herself. Boom sheds light on several issues a woman must be mindful of when playing the dating game or choosing a life mate.

-Michelle -Author High Five- Dayton

I REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS BOOK, IT GAVE GREAT ADVICE ON HOW TO BE MINDFUL OF THE KIND OF MEN WE ATTRACT, AND HOW TO TELL IF HE'S INTERESTED IN YOU OR JUST YOUR BODY. I FINISHED THIS BOOK IN 4 DAYS, AND I WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH HIS WISDOM AND HONESTYON HOW MEN CAN BE SO CRUEL, AND HOW WOMEN CAN BE SO BLIND. I'M 30 NOW AND I CAN APPRECIATE A WISE MAN WHEN I HEAR ONE THANKS BIG BOOM!!!!!!!!

-MISS DOMINIQUE

I so agree with Big Boom's take on the relationship and familiy structure. Men and women do have an inate place so to speak, in the home especially. That is one of the main problems in the modern day black familiy. If we could get that through our heads and stop listening to what society says (compete with him to be the bread winner) then in conclusion being the punch line, then maybe our family structure could start to heal.

-Food 4 thought, Los Angeles

I respect Big Boom's opinion. Still, I have a problem with men speaking for women or generalizing women especially black women. I don't agree with everything stated, however, again he makes some valid points.

-Anonymous

Boom! Keep on telling the truth, and keep reaching out to others, especially women. The truth really does hurt sometimes, but keep telling the truth. Your Friend Author, Sassybird Johnson, Garland, Texas Author of: Till Death Do Us Part

-Sassybird Johnson

We women should be excited that we now have men that are giving up the game after all, Tyler Perry can only do so much! But seriously, the man is telling it like its, and if it has to come from an ex "jigg" on how to understand my man, and how to keep his attention then, Ill take it!! Who knows a man better than a man?Im sure our men arent to please with him giving up the game but o well! I hadnt heard of him till visting this site but I will now be a customer of BB REAL TALK!!!!

-Teresa

I can have respect for a man who gone from abusing the ignorance of women, to wanting to equip them against being abused! RESPECT!

-Lilian Smit, South Africa

Boom's comments are real and not sugar-coated. He said things that I could educated and pass on to others. Thanx, Big Boom www.Myspace.com/IvoryInc

-Cassandra A. Ivory

This is an exhilarating article. It surely reiterates my sentiments!! Whenever I try to share the same words of wisdom to women of color, I met with the suspicion of being a man hater or a bitter woman!!! I would like to feel that I am an alert woman. I am so grateful that a brother expresses this. I am making a copy of this article right now, to take to my sister. She needs to read the advice about not making a man the center of your universe!!! Thank you so much!!!!

-Robbin Bailey

I think that Big Boom is giving responsible advice to us all. Some might want to listen and some might not. I think is advice hits home.

-Darkwoman

Like they say BIG BOOM BOOKS might not be for you! BIG BOOM BOOKS ARE THE TRUTH EVERYTHING IS IN HIS BOOK! WHY ARE YOU SO MAD?...GET A LIFE or better yet get THE BOOKS Then TALK.. Oh sorry you can not READ HA?.. that's why you are saying stuff that is not true! FIND YOURSELF! GET GOD IN YOU LIFE! Big Boom good advice keep up the good work and thank you Essence.

-Elizabeth Collins

Big Boom: My Sister's Keeper, Keep giving us good advice. Thank you for sharing your pass and your expriences. I truly enjoyed reading your books I could not put it down it was so funny. After reading your book Closure I received a confirmation. "How to Duck a Sucker" was an eye openner, I had to do some soul-searching once I finish reading his books! I now realize that I can have a loving happy and health relationship. To all of the Essence readers, do not sleep on this man Big Boom he is telling the truth! A child of

-Leticia Sanchez

SISTER CARLA: You need to get a grip. Boom is not a spiritual leader. He is a phony false prophet which scripture warns us about. Listening to these fools is why there are so many single and desperate women in the world like yourself. Peace.

-TIRED OF BOOM'S A$$

No one "Needs" Boom, Carla. God will provide all of our needs - not this mere human being. Some can chose to listen to him and others may not want to - but we all have a choice. We'll all be alright w/ or w/o a lesson from Boom, therefore, he is and willnever be an essential "need". Peace and Blessings. There are other options to get the same message Boom is selling for free!

-Who really NEEDS Boom?

You need Big Boom more than you think. Stop kidding yourself.

-Carla Carter.com

I have a ownership not a job sweetie. Before you continue to bash Boom go pick up his book and read it for yourself. You have too much time on your hands. What is phony? Can you describe what that really is? Until then you really need to keep negative comments to yourself. As far as being desperate, desperate for what? Do you even know? You don't know me and by the sound of your comments you don't know yourself either.

-Carla Carter.com

Carla: Please get a job and learn spell check. You sound desperate, especially if you listen to this phony Boom.

-Tired of Boom's A$$

ARMANI VALENTINO: THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISING SPOT. IF YOU WISH TO ADVERTISE PLEASE CONTACT ESSENCE. THANK YOU.

-Not An Armani Website

Big Boom is now able to help many more women than he has ever hurt. Read the bible. "Saving one soul covers a multitude of sins." James 5:20 You can't count a multitude. So while Boom is atleast trying to save souls to cover some of his sins, instead of critcizing him, how about we try and save some souls to cover our own sins. Peace and Blessings to you all! Claim the Increase, and I will see you at the TOP! Visit my website and get my soon to be best- selling book, "99 Questions You Must Ask a Man Before Sleepi

-www.ArmaniValentino.com

Whether Boom can read well or not, the advice that he gives me comes from the same place that the writings of the prophets of God delivered. It is really funny because sometimes he will say something to me in street terms, that means the same thing as the scriptures that I had just read. If we as BLACK people are to get ahead, we must be proactive. Boom is VERY proactive!

-www.ArmaniValentino.com

My mother was a college graduate and fit the description of Proverbs 31 woman to the letter. I have no bitterness in my heart for the past wrongs that my father did to us. Boom doesn't speak from a bitter soul or spirit. Boom has been one of my personal mentors for almost a year! Anytime, day or night, he answers the phone and always calls me back if he can't speak to me at that time. I read the scriptures on a regular basis. Whether Boom can read well or not, the advice that he gives me comes from the same plac

-www.ArmaniValentino.com

PLEASE READ WHOLE MESSAGE HERE!!! My name is Armani Valentino. I met Big Boom through a mutual business friend. I am a 27 year old black male. I can read. I did finish college. I haven't abused women and have no desire to do so. I'd never heard of Boom before I wrote my book, "99 Questions You Must Ask a Man Before Sleeping with Him & Definitely Before Having SEX." My own father left when I was 2 years old. He left me, my older sister and my pregnant mother. This was one of my earliest memories inlife. My mo

-www.ArmaniValentino.com

I read Big Booms book and it really helped me understand women. Thank you man.

-JC from Cali

I don't care what anyone says or writes Boom, I support you and believe in you and what God has given you. Keep doing what you were born to do.No one else can do it. I applaud your effort and your focus. I pray everything you do becomes bigger than life.That you may live as long as you want and never want as long as you live. Much love and success to you Boom. What God has given you, no one can stop. Everyone here at MR. Wonderful Productions is proud of you and will always support you. See you at the top!

-Carla Carter.com

This man has made a conscious decision to change. Why is it that whenever a man no matter if he's black, white, pink or pokadot attempts to make changes in their lives for the better. There's always people like you with these nasty comments you leave totry and tare them down? Answer that for me please. I'm tired of you always putting men down. I know that all men aren't right but can we please support the ones who are trying to make it right? Who's going to do it if it's not us?

-Carla Carter.com

Big Boom, William Freeman, he is still called of God to perfect the hearts of women who have none. I have known Boom and he is a wonderful, considerate, loving husband and father. Whatever he was in the past he's not now. Who are you to judge? After all the Bible says "For such were some of you, but now you're saved and sanctified". Who's the real hypocrite? At least he's trying to make a difference. What are you doing? Oops, my bad nothing!

-Carla Carter.com

KD: A piece of advice. Let go of your past of misspelling and invest in spell check. Use that time to invest in your education and less time berating us for talking about this Mr. Boom.

-Tired of Boom's A$$

KD, not KB

-common sense trumps big boom

There's the problem KB - stop waiting for a human being (especially 'big boom') to give you advice about how to live your own life! Try a decent family elder or at least try the church/minister if your family isn't reliable. And at the end of the day, you have to use your own best judgement, learn your own lessons and make your own final decisions - or you'll blame everyone else if things go wrong.

-common sense trumps big boom

of times. He knows what he's talking about. I did not read in his books that he is denying his past. Did you? And do you have any suggestions on how to build real, loving relationships? The kind we desperately need as black americans. I'll be waiting to hear from you. I truely wish you all the best. Sincerely

-KD

Okay. To all of you who have posted a comment about Big Boom. Just think about it a minute...is his advise true? Have you tried it? Why are you so angry? Jealousy? Maybe his advise is not meant for those who don't want to change, but some of us wantand need help. Your comments let me know you're not a happy person. You might learn a thing or two if you let go of the past (as Big Boom has) and all it's negativety, and try to help somebody live a drama free life. Big Boom has been around the block more than a couple of

-KD

This muthaf*cka is not worth a damn. I knew this fool from way back. Goes to show you that Essence has gone the way of the ghetto allowing this fool to even be in the magazine.

-Bull$hit N!gga

Tryexcellence your comment is so the truth!! Essence sucks big time.. I will keep my subscription to Glamour and Allure!

-Diane

william freeman, a.k.a. big boom has no sage advice other than find a star and kiss his ass all the way to the bank, the way he has done with steve harvey. ha ha ha. no advice from him is real advice! Damned fool.

-truly tired of boom

Boom ain't worth sh*t! How many baby mother's does Boom have??? I thought so. Essence should remove this pimp.

-Tired of this n*gga!

Are any of these books geared towards men? Why do we women need all of the "self-help, this is how you can get a man" books and these men are running around like foolish dogs in heat - Can someone write them a book about how to treat a good woman or maybe they don't have to learn any of those rules b/c there are soooo many women willing to "lower their standards" just to simply have a man. Therefore the guys can treat women any way they prefer and still have multiple lining up for their worthless as**s.

-Anonymous

I couldn't even finish reading this foolishness. Iyanla, Michelle McKinney Hammond, Ron Elmore, Donald Bell, Sr. and others with some sense are still alive and well. Why don't you give some folk with some sense a call to shed light on black women and relationships. Or maybe its your mission to further confuse black women so that you create a need for what you belive is the answer -- your foolish, nonsensical magazine.

-Tryexcellence

Yall leave "Big Country" alone. He has on his pre-Easter outfit and it is just around the corner. Thank God he has his hand over his socks. I wonder what color they are.

-fifty and phune

FUNNY! I grew up in Tulsa also & currently reside in Far North Dallas and its rather amusing and insulting that your magazine would entertain this "so-called" guru on any love advice. My advice to Boom - HANDLE YOU BIZ IN TULSA FIRST then MAYBE you can dispense some knowledge on unsuspecting "girls" who don't know the origins of your so called FAME!! Essence ya'll are a JOKE for this - I see why I read you online ONLY NOW! What's next love advice from Kia?

-BTW 86

Oh no not this ni&&a again!!

-Boom is full of sh*t

No wonder black women are confused in relationships. We gotten think about what the church,mama,grandmama,father,brother sister and friends say instead of doing what we want to do. We bring all of this stuff into our bedrooms. It's too much.

-fifty and phune

GOD Help us if BOOM is an expert on anything. I know him personally. BIG FREAKIN JOKE ESSENCE...HA HA

-WNO

We the viewers(READERS)know that you have children of your own. BIG BOOM will you please answer this one question for US!!!!!! Are you listening to GOD, and doing what's right by your children with the monies you collect from these books?If you can giveadvice to women about how a man should treat them, shouldn't you do the same!!!!!! Why don't you take your own advice!!!!

-Mc Clain class mate

Fifty and Phune, Sounds like you know him too! you are so right, the cheerleading team and everyone else he could pay for! If he was so into God now, he would go back and apologize to all the women he wronged,and not to mention his own children for whom he did very little for.then go and talk a book for someone else to write for him...he can't read. Big BOOM my a--!

-918 from north to south

Excuse me S. Marie. We are HAPPILY SINGLE because we aren't married and dealing with men like Bill Campbell and Willie Gary who has cheated on their wives over and over again.

-fifty and phune

Wow, all this information coming from a man who has been married THREE times, can't read past third grade, and isn't a very good father! ooh!!!!! ESSENCE CHECK YOUR SOURCES!!!1

-T-TOWN..O.K.

I think it's good to get advice from men AND women. Check out my book site: www.singlereasonwhy.com. Reality Check: There's a Reason Why You're Single (and it's applicable to women, and even men, of all ages). I love ESSENCE!!

-S. Marie

LADIES WE CAN NOT TRUST ANYONES ADVICE BUT OURSELVE

-D- TOWN

Your advice is good -but more geared towards the younger sistahs. Can you broaden your approach to middle-aged sistahs?? How do we get the love that we deserve? Where are the brothers who have kept it together and are not ready for the rockin' chair who still seek to relate and connect in a healthy and whole way? Alive, well, whole and still cute - and looking!

-Workit2

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Why don't you use that advice on yourself. It's amazing that you have such strong advice about women and their kids, yet you haven't been that supportive to your own children! You are a trip!!!

-Knew_you_way_back_when

Ladytreez if you are considered a Lady as your name implies, there is no way in the world you will let a brother looking like Big Country approach you looking like that. There is such a thing as class. He looks as if he got that suit as a liquidaton saleat K & G.

-Fifty/Phune and Classy

-Fifty and phune: You seem to be extremely bitter. Someone must have done a number on you. Here's a *hug*.

-Ladytreez

He has probably had sex with the whole cheerleading squad in his younger years and wasn't thinking about God or nobody else. He has gotten old and played out and now he is thinking about God. What a hypocrite.

-Fifty and phune

Dag Women always got to change fa a man! I am change fa me and if he come to me then he does but I am do me. Men of all colors, black white,red or whoever, need to catch up with us! We got it going on for us so why should we stoop low? There should be more self help books for black men to be better mates for us who on the top! on top and aint looking down!

-Truth is! I should have left em alone

He is right about keeping God first. God is the free and ONLY advice line. Who better to tell us about love than the Creator of LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS! Although I do agree with most of what he says, I am still tired of hearing men say women need to fix this or that! They need to fix themselves too and then come holla!

-Truth is! I should have left em alone

Wow most of the comments that were posted had a somewhat negative vibe towards Big Boom. I personally do agree that some of the things he said were common knowledge but not all women have "common knowledge". I think he offered some valuable advice and made some good points. Some women are very confused and need his insight. So, he's trying... I mean give him alittle credit...???

-pv

Excuse me what is this fool doing withall of this gray on his head and still calling himself "Big Boom. By the time someone gets out of high school he should be using his real name. How can we tell our youth about constantly using their nicknames in all of their life situations and he is using his. He is in a major magazine he is not talking to his homeboys. What is up with that outdated white pimp outfit in January. I am so sick of everybody being an expert on relationships. He has probably had sex witheverything under the

-Fifty and phune

Most young men get their information from their boyz or crappy tv like BET so the poisonous of cycle anti-commitment, single parenting, no accountability or responsibility continues. some men think emotionally abusing women is some sort of rights of passage and then they turn around and want a woman with no emotional baggage..... twisted.

-askwhy

Wow, there were some valid points, but the truth is THIS INFO SHOULD BE COMMON KNOWLEDGE. Ladies if you don't know you need to ask somebody because trust and believe somebody has gone through before you. Know your worth and allow your mate to come to you, that is the way it is suppose to be. A Lady does not have to seek out a gentleman (but beware of fakes). Finally trust GOD to lead you, once you do that everything else will work out.

-Lady -Z

This is a joke, right? More of the same from "Bodyguard of Women?s Hearts.." 1-Didn't ESSENCE just have an article about successful couples where the wife was the major/only breadwinner? So why come behind that with this mess that basically amounts to "kow your role"? 2-"Women don?t like nice guys." I'm sick of hearing this mess from men. I'm supposed to give this credence??

-You gotta be kidding

I've been in serious and light hearted relationships with black, white, and latino men. I think the similarities outweight the differences. At the end of the day men are men. The advice Big Boom gives on relationships is applicable despite race. To be half of a team you must at first be a whole individual.

-ap

"Forget black men"......now that is the most idiotic comment I've heard all year and it's only Jan. 16th. "Forget black men" we should not. That is part of the problem now. Not only has a majority of society forgotten our black men, now you want theircounterparts to do the same. What we need to do is support our black men. We need to pray for them every day. If we don't, then who will.

-KJ

Rosemarybaby, I date Mexican men now (and the brothers are mad at me). I can tell some of the Navajos want to talk to me, but I want to date Mexican men. (2)K (Detroit)--My child-hood church taught me most of the values I have today. (3)My goals are so high, my friends all tease me that I will be the little old lady on the bench looking for Mr Perfect. I tell them at least my eyes want be black and my arms/legs broken like them! future: doctor, lawyer, dentist, etc.

-only the best will do

(continued) to get their ish together

-rosemarybaby

once again the black woman has to CONFORM to appease the black man puleezz forget black men they are a lost cause they running behind everything else we should start doing the same.....they always crying about what they want what to do what not to do whomakes more money WHATEV i have been happily married to my something "new" for thirteen years and he treats me like the African Queen i am yall need to stop being so loyal to the "brother" HE AINT WORTH IT and before i get ripped i will say some not all but most brothers need

-rosemarybaby

Hey Big Boom: I enjoyed your exert on relationships. I totally agree with all that you said. My mother always told me these little phrases when I was younger: Why ask for hamburger when you can get steak? Aim high and climb tall, if he can't climb, he will fall. I have lived by those phrases and when I was in a relationship and it didn't work, I would remember what she told me. She is still living and I appreciate her (and your) insights. Keep on encouraging us! Single and Satisfied

-K (Detroit)

Ok Mr Boom, my final words here in paragraph 3: I only listen to Gospel music now, but, there was a soul song long time ago that said "...Any man is better than nothing..."; WOW, how the Devil was/is a liar. Please don't forget the MOVIE with Whitney Houston and other stars years ago (I can't remember the name but you guys know--Ok, I remember: Waiting to Exhale (yeah right); Well, gotta go, Oprah is getting ready to come on.

-over 30 and single

Mr Boom, to continue: the lady I worked for at the Radio Station and the school teacher I worked with both got married over 30. They told me:(1)the radio station lady: 'I asked God to humble me to be a wife' (they lasted until he died); (2)the school teacher:'I didn't know how to be a wife because I was a single parent for 30 plus years. But, I asked God to teach me how to be a wife'; They are going on 9 or 10 years now.

-continued

Mr Boom, I have to be quick because Oprah is coming on in a few minutes. (1)Men at home: I saw a different point of view when I did (do) my volunteer work with the youth. My Little Sister was being raised by her Dad (now that's a man because he could have left also); (2)From all my friends, yes, marriage is a job; (3)I'm over 30, single, but some rules I'll never change: I don't believe in domestic violence and I'm not interested in pre-marital sex.

-continued

Excellent article. So true.

-J

I have currently been single for more than a year and have suffered the pitfalls of thinking I had a hero but by all accounts he was a zero. I am neither angry nor bitter. I have actually grown immensely from my trials. I think Big Boom has some valid points and I will pick up a copy of his book. But I will say this I agree with CW the change has to start with us. As well as maybe we as black women need to open our eyes and horizons and see what else is open to us. It would be great to fall in love with and marry a bl

-RP

I agree with Big Boom but, ducking that one that you married is like whoa.......to the fifth power! Praying and waiting on God to deliver the next.

-Msmagic

I have been single all my life and I have never liked it because of the rule: NO FORNICATION per THE HOLY BIBLE and because of the inconsistency of my so called friends. However, over the years I have learned to take one day at a time and do my best to"be happy" no matter what circumstance I found myself in. My point is your remarks were insightful. Thanks eboneyneely@yahoo.com Eboney Denise Neely Louisville, Ky.40211

-Eboney Denise Neely

Bottom Line: It's time for most Black men to grow up...And Black women to get their heads out of the sand...Meaning we need to expand our options when it comes to dating to include ALL men...Black women cannot concentrate continuously on how to change, appease, side-step Black men...They're gonna do what they want...Any changes in Black women's lives will have to start with her... BWDB http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com

-CW

Hmm...I think some of his advice is a bit bogus

-OT

good advice...put God first...pray God give the best advice

-ree

Ducking a sucka has become as complicated as trying to locate the Taliban. you can have all the armour you need but don't know one is in your camp until things start blowing up! Raw honesty is refreshing. Never heard of this guy until now. His book is on my to buy list.

-tiredofduckingand dodging

One question- who left the gate open?---

-Charlotte NC

I read his first book and although many of us have heard the same thing from our girlfriends, mothers, sisters, etc... It was different hearing it from a man. I don't like how he was a player in his early years, but everyone has to chnage at some point or waddle in hell forever. I have already pre-ordered my book on Amazon. I will continue to support my people as long as it is not foolishness.

-Butterfly38

I really respect Big Boom, becasue he keeps it so real about male/female relationships. Of course he would and could because he is a man. Remember the saying, "Been there, Done That" Before knowing about his books, I myself had already made an effort to make changes about myself when it came to men. He really gives great advice. Maybe Essence, should let him have his own column!

-Tiffanee Mosley

This jig has good advice especially coming from someone who looks like a wannabe pimp.

-Lil-C

I read Mr. Boom first book and it blew my mind, it also taught me a few things. He is real and to the point something we women need to know and accept about how we are. I am sure his next book is going to have needed insight for this era. I am looking forward to reading it and adding it to my collection of Black authors. Best of luck

-sylv