Essence

Credit: Getty Images

1 Hang out with joyful people.
Psychologist John Gottman says that we need five positive interactions for every negative interaction in order for us to consider a relationship a happy one. The point: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you, and give a wide berth to those who criticize and deplete you.

2 Move consistently toward your goals.
Make commitments—and then practice keeping your word. “The greatest dreams will not be accomplished without discipline and daily effort—and that process brings joy,” says the Reverend A.R. Bernard, pastor of New York’s Christian Cultural Center. “It’s about doing the ordinary things extraordinarily well.”

3 Meditate on your blessings.
End each day by recalling three moments that made you feel grateful—anything from a gorgeous sunrise to a loved one’s smile. Practice sitting in quiet contemplation or prayer, says Valorie Burton, life coach and author of Listen to Your Life (WaterBrook Press). Then keep track of your blessings in a gratitude journal.

4 Be good to yourself.
Eat nourishing food and get six to eight hours of sleep per night. And exercise regularly—the endorphin boost adds to your feeling of well-being and may help prevent diabetes, heart disease and other illness. Adds Harvard lecturer Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., “Research shows that exercising three times a week for 30 minutes each session has the same effect as some of our most powerful drugs for alleviating depression.” And give yourself permission to be human. “When we accept emotions such as fear, sadness and anxiety as natural, we are more able to overcome them,” says Ben-Shahar.

5 Connect, connect, connect.
Be intentional in building strong bonds with other people. “Social relationships are a powerful predictor of happiness, much more so than money,” writes Daniel Gilbert in Stumbling on Happiness (Vintage). Indeed, a 2002 University of Illinois study showed that participants who reported the highest level of happiness also reported the strongest ties to friends and family.

6 Go to church—any church.
A 2006 Pew Research report revealed that those who attend weekly services—of any faith—indicate that they feel much happier than those who attend once a month or less.

7 Give—and forgive.
Holding on to anger and resentment is an emotional weight that robs you of your joy. Let it go. “Happiness is spiritual peace—peace with God, with yourself and with others,” explains Bernard. And while you’re handing out pardons, give away a few other things too: Generosity makes us feel as if we’re making a difference by creating an environment of connection and love.


Your Pure Joy Playlist

Credit: Len Prince

When Jill Scott penned the lyrics, “I’m living my life like it’s golden,” did she know she was giving us the ultimate everything-will-be-okay anthem? Here, a sampling of other songs that takes us to our happy place, based on our own informal poll of family and friends.
Compiled by Cori Murray

“Soul II Soul’s ‘Keep on Movin’ truly motivates me. And Lauryn Hill’s ‘Everything Is Everything’ keeps things in perspective.” —Lessette Heath, Washington, D.C.

“ ‘Lovely Day’ by Bill Withers makes me instantly think about my nieces. When I look at them, the world really is all right with me.”—Bridgette Bartlett, Queens, New York

“ ‘Let Go’ by Dewayne Woods and ‘Rock With You’ by Michael Jackson. These are the songs I’ll dance around the house to.”—Nneka Garland, Woodland Hills, California

“A sure fix to turn my day around is Natalie Cole’s ‘This Will Be (An Everlasting Love).’ For those days I feel sluggish and I just can’t get it together, I need to hear ‘Freak of the Week’ by Parliament Funkadelic. It starts at your head and goes straight to your toes.” —Teresa Sanders, Cresskill, New Jersey

“Instant joy: Marvin Gaye’s ‘Got to Give It Up’ from his Live at the London Palladium album.”—Tamara Jeffries, Durham, North Carolina

“Sometimes you just need a good booty-bumping dance song that makes you laugh. I like ‘Get Me Bodied’ by Beyoncé.”—Nazenet Habtezghi, New York City

“ ‘I’m Coming Out’ by Diana Ross. How can you not feel empowered with lyrics like this: ‘There’s a new me coming out/And I just had to live/And I wanna give/I’m completely positive.’ ”—Mondella Jones, Los Angeles

“My get-over-the-breakup song is ‘Happy Feelings’ by Frankie Beverly and Maze. The first line, ‘I got myself to remind me of love,’ takes away the breakup blues.”—Michelle Gipson, Atlanta

“Al Green’s ‘Let’s Stay Together.’ I keep the CD in my car, so whenever traffic is stressing me, I sing along. I’m feeling better by the end of the first verse. I’m not sure if it’s the organ or his voice, but it takes me there.”—Nikki Trotmon, Upper Marlboro, Maryland

“ ‘Survivor’ by Destiny’s Child. The words in the chorus make me so happy because I recognize this too shall pass and I will survive at the end of the day.” —Maya Brooks, Atlanta

“Bob Marley’s ‘Three Little Birds.’ Hearing him sing, ‘Don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing is gonna be all right’ helps me let go of whatever is vexing my spirit.” —Sharon Wynne, Queens, New York

Have you discovered your happiest moments? Like these bliss songs or have some of your own? Share your thoughts below.