What Men Think: What Makes Him Commit
Real men tell us what makes them settle down

“What makes you want to commit to a woman or have an exclusive relationship?”

What Men Think
Credit: John Gigliotti

“I have to feel like we’re equally yoked. There’s an old quote that goes something like: ‘Love is not looking into each other’s eyes, but gazing in the same direction.’ We have to be on the same page.”
—DeJuan S., 40, IT project manager







What Men Think
Credit: John Gigliotti

“In my last relationship, I feared that my girl might slip away, so that pushed me to commit faster. She had a lot of great personality traits, such as genuineness, thoughtfulness, kindness and warmth. When a woman has all that and can check me, I like that. Constructive criticism without being manipulative or hurtful goes a long way too.”
—Malik W., 30, photographer






What Men Think
Credit: John Gigliotti

“Being able to trust the woman and having the sense that our relationship will be a joint venture with a lot of compromise. I have to know that, in the end, she is going to take care of me, and I will take care of her.”
—Jeff J., 27, consultant








“I believe in that spiritual connection thing. Call it her aura. It’s that initial instinctual reaction that I have when I look at her. Every woman I’ve ever committed to, I knew right when I met her that I wanted to be with her.”
—Nicoye B., 35, actor


WHAT YOU SAID
In an essence.com poll, 31% of Essence readers said they don’t believe a man can be faithful in an exclusive relationship.


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What do you think


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-5 latest comments

I agree with another reader. Childhood has a major affect on how men respect and treat women. More importantly, the way he respects and treat his mom is a reflection on how he wil love and treat you. Sometimes we as women, have an tendency of thinking that we can "change" a man. and the only one that can do the is God!! Seek God first and your Booas will come to you!!

-ce-ce

I think a man will commit if he dosen,t feel pressured or thought of as being cheap and a taker. Real men commit when they meet a woman they feel comfortable with and they have something in common with her. It,s alot of good men out there just don,t pressure them .

-Sandy , Kenosha, Wi.

I feel that a man can only commit when he is comfortable.When they feel like they can talk to you about anything then.You have earn there trust.Also they love when you can be yourself at all times.On that note Ladies if and when you meet that Mr.Right hold on and love him to the end.Because they come a dime a dozen.

-Tamiko Pinckney Chas,SC

Dear Essence thank you for doing this article on What men think: What Makes Him Commit. First of all I believe the way a man is brought up has an profound effect on what he believes and how he thinks. In saying this everybody is different and what I have learned from men in general is that if they don't have their personal selves together I don't care if they meet Ms. Perfect herself or that dream girl of his dreams. He is only going to be intimidated if he is not together personally, with himself. I have also noticed that

-Anonymous

LOVE thats what makes a man commit, it he is TRULY IN LOVE with you he is not gonna cheat, not gonna disrespect you, treat you like a queen, and be there when you need him and that goes both ways respect, love, & trust, if he's not ready to commit then YOU are NOT the one

-lisa