You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Hi Dr. Sherry,
I had been dating this guy for 10 months. We would have talks about rather or not we see ourselves together long term, and we both said that we could see it. Well 2 weeks ago, we broke up because he said that he didn't think we were building and moving forward because I don't want to move in with him at this time. I don't think you have to move in with a person to build and grow your relationship, you know if you love a person and want to be with them. He says that he only plans on getting married one time, and that he can't get married until after he lives with a person, and then he can decide if he wants to marry them or not. I don't feel the same, so there is the conflict. I just wanted your opinion on the matter.
It doesn't make sense to me!
When something feels like it doesn't make sense to you, it usually doesn't. It sounds as if he used you not wanting to live together as a convenient excuse to breakup. After only dating for 10 months, it is a little premature to be talking about moving in together. You do not have to live with someone to be " building and moving forward" in a relationship. Your boyfriend breaking up with you is a power play that amounts to nothing more that an ultimatum. He has overplayed his hand if you don't fall for his game. If you fold and agree to moving in with him to avoid the break up, he is in total control. If you do, he will not need to respect your values and opinion. This leaves you without a real or honest voice in the relationship. Think about how quickly he broke up after you did not agree with him. It is better to know how he deals with issues now rather than later. He actually did you a favor. Now it is time to move on with your life. If you want more, do not settle for less! Dr Sherry
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