You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
I am going to get straight to the point here. I met my husband in high school. We feel in love young, got married and had four beautiful children. But throughout our marriage, he would cheat on me. He said he didn't understand what he was looking for, while I prayed on it, hoping he would change. Years went by and there was still been no change. It just seemed to me like things were getting worse. Not only did he cheat on me, but he also had a child outside of our marriage. That was the last straw for me because I really couldn't take anymore of his lies, cheating and staying out late. So I did the unthinkable and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. We broke up, and even though we never divorced, we separated for some time. The next year, he moved in with his new girlfriend. For the past 10 years we have been seeing each other off and on, but for the last two years, we've been "on." He claims to be tired of their relationship but can't let it go. A voice in my head is saying that all I'm doing is wasting my time. He claims he wants what we once had but I don't see it happening because I just don't think he has changed. Life is too short to waste. We both are of age and I am ready to make a big change in my life. I would love for him to be a part of my next phase in life but a part of me is saying "move on girl." I am stuck. What's your outlook on this? Time waits for no man, why should I?
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Sounds like you are asking the right question...." Why girl why?" Now, the real question is do you have the right answer? Before answering with your heart, use your head to understand how you heart has kept you dealing with him. You meet your husband while in high school and fell in love when you were young. Getting married young and having four children did not allow you a chance to grow up and become independent. When you are young, you really don't know what you want or don't want in a relationship. Neither do you know what true love really is or what a healthy marriage looks like. It is definitely not years of being cheated and lied on or your husband having a baby by another woman. Giving him a taste of his own medicine doesn't make his behaviors hurt less or it any better for you. While you and your husband may have separated physically, you have never left him emotionally. Despite how he treated you, you continued to be involved with him. Now the years have passed and you have grown up, at least age wise. However, you are right when you said nothing else has changed. You have been dealing him "straight" for the last two years and you still see no changes. Yet, you are still stuck about moving on. Really? So once again, the question becomes " Why girl why? That is a question you must answer honestly. Do not allow fear or low self-esteem to hold you back from doing what you already know you need to do. As long as you are legally married, you are not truly free to move on. Life is indeed too short and time waits for no one! --Dr Sherry
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