You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Hi Dr. Sherry,
I've been with my boyfriend since 2011 and everytime I ask him to marry me he says, "we are [because] we live together." I want get married before I become too old. I'm 34 now and have never been married. He has been married twice and divorced twice. He married his son's mother and the relationship didn't work. His second marriage was to a Russian women purely because she was able to financially support him. Now, I want my turn at being his wife. He tells his son he's never gonna marry me and talks bad about me in front of his child. He calls me names behind my back like "a c--t and a n----r" when he's upset and he has cyber-cheated on me with 2 women on Facebook. Everytime I try to leave, he won't let me. He throws it in my face that he bought our house and if I leave I won't have anywhere to live. He's hit me in the past and we fight regularly. His son often instigates our fights by making up lies and I think it's because he has a crush on me. What should I do? I don't think he really loves me; I really think he only loves my body. His son has said multiple times his father only wants me for sex. I know I need to leave but I love him and the only way he shows me affection is by showering me with material things. Please help!
In Love and Alone
Are you really serious? How many ways can your boyfriend disrespect you and let you know that he does not love you? He has made it clear that he has no intent of marrying you. Your desperation is showing and you have lost any sense of pride. Not only did you ask him to marry you, you asked him more than once and he said no each time. Given how he treats you, the question is why would you want to marry him? You know that he has at least "cyber cheated" on you and calls you names in front of his son and others. I am having a hard time seeing or finding anything that suggest love. You seem to justifies his behavior with him buying you material things and you accepting them. Actually, it only suggest that you are being pimped. As long as you are willing to accept that role, he will continue to mistreat and abuse you. You stated that he want " let" you leave because he got you a house. Don't fool yourself, unless your name is on a deed, you don't have a house. If you have a deed, you don't have to leave but he does if you want him out. Regardless, is a house a reason to be abused and mistreated? If you want love, you must first love yourself. I suggest that you seek individual therapy to understand what is going on with you that allows you to accept his treatment of you. Trust me, if you are looking for love you must look pass him. But you must learn to love me ourself first. If you want more in a relationship, you must not settle for less. --Dr Sherry
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