You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
I have been seeing a man for five months who is married but unhappy in his marriage. At first he would just say things like, "You're getting in my head and my heart." Last month, he told me that he told his wife he wants a divorce but it has nothing to do with me because he has been unhappy for the last 18 months. He told her that he is focused on "doing him" and what makes him happy. Now he tells me that he doesn't just love me, but in fact, he's in love with me too and that I must say that I am also in love with him. He sometimes stays the night and we talk and laugh together and we light up when we see each other but sometimes when I call he doesn't answer, or if I text, there is no reply. The sudden and unexpcted differences get to me and make me wonder about what is really going on because I love this man and don't want to be without him. How can I wait without pushing him away?
In Love and Confused
Your relationship has flashing warning signs with alarms going off. But for so reason, you can't see or hear what is going on. I am not sure if you really heard this, but he is married. This means that he is not fully emotionally available and may not always be physically available. It is easy to have a great time laughing and having fun when you only have limited time together. You mentioned that you wonder what is going on when he doesn't answer your calls. Really? He is with his wife or someone else. Most men that are cheating on their wife tells the side chick that he is unhappy in his marriage. If he told you to that he was happy, you would not accept the role of a side chick. Telling you that he is unhappy gives you a false hope that you have a future with him. Also, his lame line that you are getting in his head or in his heart is nothing more that "Bull Sh##". It is highly likely that he is in "lust" not in love with you. He has had at least a year and a half to end his marriage if he was that unhappy and divorce was his intent. You have been with him for only five months. Ask yourself, why are you rushing to have a relationship with someone who is not available? If you want love and to be the number one person in his life, why are settling for so much less? Right now, you are sounding over eager to make the relationship something that it is not. You are making it very easy to be his permanent side chick. Think long and hard before you continue to move forward with him. If he is indeed in love with you now, he will be in love with you after he is divorced and available. --Dr Sherry
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