Sexy. The word can mean so many things to different people, and the journey to embracing your sexy can be a revealing, healing and deeply personal one. If you’ve been looking to add some spark to your life, Playboy Radio host and sexpert Tyomi Morgan knows just what you need to define, discover and embrace the sexy within that you’ve been searching for, and she’s sharing.
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How do you define “sexy” and how do you think women should define it for themselves?
I define sexy as anything that evokes a feeling of sensuality or sexual excitement. So a food could make me feel sexy, the way a man smells or the appearance of a car passing by. Women should define sexuality for themselves by first getting rid of any messaging or thoughts that have come from sources outside of herself and begin to go within to seek the answers. What makes you feel sexually charged? What scents or foods make your body feel a sense of sensuality? By knowing self and being aware of how the world around her charges her sexual senses any woman can begin to define sexuality for herself.
What has been your personal journey towards discovering and embracing your sexy?
My personal journey began with embracing my body. I've had an "adult" body since the age of 9 and I had to learn how to embrace having thick thighs that touch, a booty that giggles and a thick waist. I didn't begin to truly embrace my body until I started modeling in 2008. Having a job as a model forced me into being confident while on the runway and selling garments for clients.
Beyond embracing my body I had to embrace this energy of sensuality I carry around. I was always being told by men (and women) that the way I speak is sexy or the way I stand or walk oozes sensuality, and I never understood it. But once I began to be observant of what I considered to be sexy about other women, I was able to reflect on myself and fully understand where these compliments were coming from. My personal journey really boils down to me becoming comfortable in my own skin and owning the parts about my physical and spiritual being that make me sexy.
What advice would you give women on how to start their own journey towards discovering and embracing their sexy?
In order for any woman to embrace her sensuality, she must first become in tune with her femininity. Spend time with yourself in the nude and begin what I like to call a "sex journal.” During this alone time, light some candles, put on a sensual playlist, place your phone on "do not disturb" and create a sacred space with yourself and have a mirror present. Lie in the nude for a few minutes and let everything drift from your mind except the awareness of your body and how it feels.
After 5-10 minutes of meditation write down how you feel about your body. Look at yourself in the mirror, sway your hips, move to the rhythm of the playlist you've selected and begin to observe what your body is doing in this moment and how it feels. Give yourself compliments on the things that you love about your body and speak positively to yourself. Write these affirmations down in your "sex journal" and document the experience. The more time women spend with themselves in doing things that can awaken femininity the better.
As a host on Playboy Radio you are quite literally the voice of all things sex and sexy, what tips do you have for women looking to add a little spice to their relationship?
My best advice is to go back into your memory bank and pull from those fantasies that you've kept locked away for some time now. What toys, positions or erotic activities have you seen or heard about would you like to try? Explore these ideas and bring them to your partner. Men enjoy when women can be direct with what they want to experiment with sexually, and spicing things up definitely begins with presenting an idea.
If your mind draws a blank for things that you would want to experiment with, take a late night adult field trip with your lover and explore an adult store filled with videos, toys and accessories. While in the store you and your lover can talk about the things you see and what interests you both and learn how to use these things to your advantage.
Agree on a few purchases and then go home and prepare to explore.
Do you feel that being sexy has to always involve sex?
Being sexy doesn't have to always involve sex. "Sexy" is the embodiment of sensuality at its core. A car can be sexy, but it's rare that a person wants to have sex with a car. A person can have sex but not be considered sexy or even feel sexy in that moment. Being sexy has nothing to do with physical intercourse.
How can couples support each other in embracing sexy?
By being understanding of the changes that will occur over the course of a person's life and the actual relationship. What was once regarded as sexy may not hold the same weight as life brings about change. When one partner sees the other shift in how he or she thinks about themselves, that's when speaking life and love into your partner matters most. Using positive affirmations and always letting your partner know that he or she is loved as they are is imperative. Sometimes, helping your partner embrace "sexy" requires a building up of self-esteem so patience is necessary. Intimacy and honest communication are the keys to couples embracing each other in all stages of "sexy."
What are the top three things men have told you they find sexy about women?
Confidence, how she dresses and the energy she gives off. Men love women who carry themselves with an air of mystery and know how to dress well to complement their bodies. I've also been told often by men that they appreciate a woman who has a positive attitude, a warm disposition and the ability to hold engaging conversation.
Feeling sexy isn't only limited to relationships, how would you suggest women embrace their sexy outside of a relationship?
Women can embrace their sexy outside of a relationship by owning who they are and being confident in whom they present to the world. Take yourself shopping to buy clothing that compliments your shape, dress up and take yourself on a date and order the foods that make you feel elated, move your body daily whether it's dancing in front of the mirror or taking a Zumba class. There are so many things that women can do while single to embrace femininity and sensuality. Smile more, laugh more and always remember to only judge yourself based on your own standards and not the preferences of the people around you.
Work on being confident in being your authentic self.
If you had to describe the overall sexiness of Black women in one word, what would it be?
MAGNETIC. There is something about the Black woman that captures not only the eye of the observer but the mind and spirit even. It's almost as if the sexiness of a Black woman becomes imprinted in the spirit of anyone that comes across her and she becomes unforgettable to the point of wanting to explore and know more about who she is. Her sexiness draws you in. That's powerful.
Danielle T. Pointdujour is a Brooklynite living the passport life to the fullest. With over 70 countries under her belt, you can always find Danielle traveling the globe in search of new experiences and the hottest luxury hotels. You can follow her writing, musings and global adventures on her blog Hotel Whisperer and on Twitter and Instagram.