Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘Why Did the 'Nice Church Guy' End Up Being the Worst One’?

"On the outside he appears to be the decent, nice guy, Mr. Attends Church Regularly, but behind the scenes, he is living a double life."

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dear Dr. Sherry, 
My ex-boss was an extremely malignant narcissist that was sexually groping, sexually joking with, constantly harassing, and bothering all of the women at work. He made a lot of us uncomfortable and many of us had to quit. He was constantly mismanaging money, making fun of his own wife, cheating with multiple women he met on Craigslist, ticking off multiple business partners, and thinking everyone and everything in life was a joke. The sick part about it is that he appears to be the decent, nice guy. Like, he's Mr. Husband of the Year, Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Gives to Charity, and Mr. Attends Church Regularly, but behind the scenes, he is living a big old double life and a big old bunch of lies. Life and all his B.S. is now starting to catch up to him, but it's like it doesn't phase him while everyone else is left dealing with PTSD or anxiety and trust issues that he has caused them. What is the best way to move on to get this garbage out of my head? Will God handle the score someday? Why do so many of these type of men pull the nice Christian guy card and are full of garbage?​

Sincerely,

Needs Some Space

Dear Sis,

Don't be surprised, but an "extremely malignant narcissist" comes in all forms, both Christians and non-Christians. Just because a person claims to be a Christian does not mean they are not a true jerk. This guy is definitely creating havoc in your's and others' lives. I am a little confused that after you described all of his behaviors and shortcomings, you turn around and say he is a "decent, nice, guy." I am not sure about how you define a decent nice guy, but he seems far from that. I would not expect a decent nice guy to be making fun of his wife, cheating on her with multiple women, or sexually groping, sexually joking and constantly harassing women. A person with those behaviors typically would not fix in the decent or nice category unless you are or once was emotionally involved with him. Why would this guy raise trust issues for you or create difficulty moving on? You seem to be really angry with someone who is only your "ex boss." It is time to be honest with yourself. You seem to be emotionally hurt and wounded by someone you care about  or may have even loved. The problem is not as simple as moving on and getting "this garbage out of my head." The problem is that he is in your heart! I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and other issues. There is nothing wrong with loving or caring about a jerk even if he is a Christian jerk. However, there is something wrong with dealing with an emotionally immature unavailable adult who clearly is inappropriate and likely abusive. If you really are ready to move on with your life, then you can't continue to hold to the past. -- Dr Sherry

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