You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I'm a 42-year-old mom of a 15-year-old daughter. My mother treats me like I am nobody she tells me how to live my life and even tells me who I should date. I am so tired of her telling me what to do, how to do it and everything else. My mom has told me that I need to marry a man even though I recently married my best friend. She has told me that I will never amount to anything. I am really tired of her getting involved in my business, but she's my mother, so what should I do?
One Mad Mother
Why are you still listening to you mother and allowing her to control your life? At 45 years of age with a 15 year old daughter, you are good and grown. You are allowing your mother to have full control of your life. My question is, " why"? You may love your mother and want to be respectful but you do not have to accept her crap! Rather than dealing and addressing your mother as an adult, you are responding as if you are a child. If you are dependent on her for your livelihood, then you are in the role of a child and you are playing into her hand. You can not be both a child and the adult in the relationship. As long as you listen to her and allow her to have a say in your life, she will. It is unfortunate but it seems that you may believe the negative things she says about you on some level. Otherwise, you would shut her down and not allow what she says bother you. I hope you did not marry just because your mother said you needed to be married. You deserve happiness without all the negativity. I realize that you may want acceptance and approval by your mother. It is clear that after 45 years, you are not going to get that from her. It is likely that she has never been loved and accepted herself by others. She cannot give you what she has never had. You must not allow herself to define who you are and write your life story. Regardless what has happened in the past, you must take control of your life and write your own story. I recommend individual therapy to address issues of codependency and other issues with your mother. Life is way to short to allow someone else to define you. So, pick up the pin and write your own story! --Dr. Sherry