Single Black Female: OMG! I Think I Just Changed My Mind About Getting Divorced

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My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I separated last summer, now I'm having second thoughts.

My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I separated last summer, although we still lived together until I moved out two months ago. And now, I’m having second thoughts.

We still attend counseling together, which has been awesome to help us navigate divorce in a healthy way. We’ll always be in each other’s lives because we have two children together so we want to do everything we can to be able to communicate well.

During our last session, our therapist asked us what the next step would be, now that I’ve moved out and we’re in the groove of co-parenting.

Darren said: I guess we now start the process of officially divorcing.

My heart sunk and I felt tears spring to my eyes.

Of course we have to do that. But for some reason, hearing Darren say it hit me like a sucker punch.

I talked to my best friend, who is divorced, and she told me what I was feeling was normal, especially since our breakup is very civil and amicable. She told me I shouldn’t say anything to Darren just yet because I could feel differently soon.

So, I haven’t said anything. But it’s been two weeks since that counseling session and I don’t feel any different.

I don’t think we should be together. But I’m not quite ready to get divorced either. I realize this makes no sense.

Part of this is because of our age. I’m 42. Darren is 44. We’re not spring chickens anymore. Darren recently had a serious health scare. And I was there to support him just as I would if we were still together. Just a few weeks later, I had a serious health scare. Darren was right there in my corner in every way. I don’t know how I would have made it through without him.

Maybe, even if we officially divorce, we will still be there for each other. But right now, I just want to wait before filing paperwork. It’s hard for me to admit this because I don’t know if Darren feels the same. But I want to wait at least a year before we officially divorce. I want to check back in with him in 2017and make sure we both still want to divorce and we’ve truly exhausted any other options.

There’s a chance that a year from now we can be good friends, help each other when we can and still be divorced and move on with our lives.

But there’s also a chance that a year from now, we’ll decide that we want to give this fifteen year relationship one more try.

Well, if we do get divorced now and then realize a year later that we want to be together, we could always just marry each other all over again.

The ring Darren slipped on my finger back in 2005 is in a keepsake box in my closet, along with my wedding dress.

And they both still fit.

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