You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been dating a gentleman for six months. In the beginning of us dating, he told me he would like to get married. Shortly after that he informed me that he could never marry me, because according to the bible, I'm still married. I divorced my husband in 2009. He stated the only way I can truly be divorced is if my husband was dead, or he cheated on me. My ex has been incarcerated since 2001. It really didn't dawn on me right away what he said. A few weeks later, I begin to question him about his statement and he said, "Yes, I can't marry you, so you have to do what you have to do.” He is respectful, patient, caring, loving and understanding, so it took me six months to let him know that I respect how he feels and his stand on this issue, but I want to be married, so I will move on. When I expressed that I want to move on, he said that I don't know how to love unconditionally and it shouldn't matter that we are not married because love is being with the one you love regardless. He says that I'm mad just because I'm not getting my way. Am I being blinded by a good man?
In Need Of Some Good Advice
You’re asking if a good man is blinding you? Yes, you he is, and love has nothing to do with it. Not only are you being blinded by this, but you are also being hit with a curve ball. On one hand, you are being told that he could never marry you because of his biblical beliefs. On the other hand, he is telling you it shouldn't matter if the two of you are not married. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is full of it! What happened to all of his biblical beliefs? Does he expect you to just be his perpetual girlfriend? If you are not careful, you will be playing the role of "wifey" without the official title of “wife.” He is trying hard to make you feel guilty for having your own beliefs and desires regarding marriage. He is the one that does not understand how to love unconditionally. Your boyfriend is being very selfish by wanting to hold on to you without committing to you. Allow him to stand by his beliefs without comprising yours.
You are absolutely right in telling him that you want to move on with your life. Your boyfriend has made it clear that he could never marry you because of his biblical believes. His beliefs are his beliefs. You can respect his beliefs, but you do not have to compromise yours. If he does not respect you enough to be his wife, respect yourself enough not to settle for the title of girlfriend. – Dr. Sherry
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