You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I've been divorced for the past eight years and I have finally found a man who says he is in love with me wants to marry me. The problem with me is, I am 10 years older than him. He keeps telling me that age is not an issue for him and I can tell he is in love with me. I told him about my five kids from my previous marriage hoping he would change his mind, but he told me children are blessings and that we won’t live with them forever. I love him too, but I’m just afraid he will leave me for a younger woman along the road. Please advise.
Undecided In PA
Wait...let’s slow down and back up. Something is not adding up here and there are clearly some missing pieces to this puzzle. It is unclear how long ago you met this guy and how long you have been dating. You stated that he "says" he loves you and wants to marry you but he didn't know you had five children beforehand. How could this be the case? Why were your children not a part of the conversation earlier in your relationship? Are you really entertaining marrying a person that has not had a chance to meet and get to know your children? More importantly, your five children have not had a chance to meet and get to know him. This is a disaster waiting to happen! Forget your concerns about being 10 years older than him because you have larger concerns that you must address right now.
While the age difference may not be an issue for him, it is an issue for you. You must be secure with yourself before you can feel secure in a relationship, especially with a younger man. The fact that he has no concerns with you being 10 years older with five children that he has not met is a major concern of mine. Stop and ask yourself if you are feeling desperate to have a man love you. When you state that you "finally" found a man that says he loves and want to marry you, you’re suggesting that you have been searching for a long time. It also suggests that you are willing to settle for anything in order to have a relationship. For whatever reason, you do not seem to trust his stated love for you enough to believe that he will not leave you for a younger woman. There are red flags flying high in this relationship. I suggest that you stop and proceed with caution. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to work through issues regarding this relationship and your sense of self. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, but you must be care in deciding if someone warrants your love. -- Dr. Sherry
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