You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
Here's my situation. I'm single 51 year of woman. I have a 46-year-old friend without any ambition. He doesn't have a license, car or a decent place to stay. Also, he doesn't have a full time with benefits. He has a couple of jobs he works, and he works for a couple of hours a day on each. He's always talking about taking care of the family but he can't take care of himself. He' s a nice person, but not husband material for me. I want more than he can give me. I need to let our friendship go and let him find someone that’s comfortable with his situation. What should I do?
Need Help In AL
It is quite clear that you have figured out what you need to do. The question is, what is keeping you from doing it? Love definitely does not appear to have anything to do with this. You did not mention being in love or even in strong like with him. You stated that you want more than he can give you. Knowing this, why are you struggling with moving on?
Although you referred to him as a " friend,” he must be extremely talented and you must be receiving a lot of "benefits.” Otherwise, this would be a non-issue for you. Your friend has multiple issues and problems that really have nothing to do with you. His inability to take care of himself at 46 years of age, did not likely start yesterday. His lack of ambition and other issues are something he must deal with. His issues are his issues unless you make them your issues. If you are willing and prepared to take care of an adult child, then stay with him. If not, it is time to move on. Your friend may be "nice" but his "benefits" may not cover the cost of childcare.
At age 51, it is time to focus on your needs. If you want a husband, do not waste your time with a child or at best with someone who is not husband material. You must decide your personal value and what you bring to the relationship. In return, you must assess what the other person brings and decided if it is an asset or liability. Decide what is really important for you in a man and refuse to settle for less. – Dr. Sherry
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